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Overall Rating

Awesome: 25.35%
Worth A Look49.3%
Average: 7.04%
Pretty Bad: 12.68%
Total Crap: 5.63%

3 reviews, 53 user ratings

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Footloose (1984)
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by Chris Parry

"Comedy, thy name is Chris Penn dancing in a cowboy hat."
2 stars

Lets' face it. You've seen this movie. I don't know why you're reading a review of a film you've seen, other than perhaps in the hope that I might say something funny. Well okay then.

A few years back, when Craiggers Kilborn was hosting The Daily Show, he did a "Five Questions" with eyebrows-to-die-for supermodel, Kathy Ireland.

Kathy was in trouble. She was 0-4 with one question to come. An all-time low score was potentially looking her in the face.

The tension built. The last question came forth from Craiggers' lips like a John Woo bullet blasting it's way out of the gunbarrel in slo-mo. Winged death. The smiling assassin.

"Katyh Ireland, give three words that best describe your personality," came the sullen request...

Said Ms Ireland... "Oooh... ummm... uhhh..."

"DING!" went the bell.

"CORRECT!" screamed Kilborn.

Of course, this has nothing to do with Footloose, but you wanted comedy and, for mine, that was the funniest moment in televisual history. Since TV is my life (I'm Gen X, sue me) I can give you nothing funnier.

Footloose, if you need reminding (because we know you've seen it), is crap. It's the tale of a teenage boy who moves to Hicksville USA and finds dancing is outlawed. Oh-oh, there's goes Kev's number one tool for picking up chicks. Why doesn't he dance now that he's old an ugly? Something to think about...

Anywas, his new best buddy, a young (THIN!) Chris Penn, is your typical yokel. Big hat. Probably gaybashing and cowtipping when the camera's not around, but can Kev turn Penn into a 'snag' by learnin' him ta dance? Yewbetcha!

Meanwhile, there's a skankyho with bad 80's hair (even in the 80's her hair was considered icky, I remember) who rules the school. You know the type. She's skinny, ergo she's the object of the new boy's desires.

Okay, halt for a second.

In Say Anything, this worked. Ione Skye might have been a monumental pain in the ass, but she was a nice pain in the ass, so you figured Cusack was on the right course by doing the 'ghettoblaster held aloft' thing.

When.. well, let's face it, any actor of the 80's, pursued Molly Ringwald in any 80's film, she too was a monumental pain in the derriere, but frankly you wanted to see someone break her in so you went with it.

And in Weird Science, well, Kelly Le Brock, come on!

But in Footloose, you have this... skank (there's no other word for her) who is nasty, bitchy, skinnier'n'an ol' rake, not overly smart, WHAT THE HELL IS THE ATTRACTION?!?! I can't support this film because I know ol' Kevin is heading for tears, even if he does win out in the end.

He SHOULD have been after the skankyho's best friend, Sarah Jessica Parker. Ferris Bueller ended up grabbing her, and you know Ferris doesn't make errors in this department. He'll be lucky to keep her after Inspector Gadget, but I digress.

This movie is just packed full of good actors doing bad stuff. John Lithgow as the overly concerned preacher. Dianne Lane as his well meaning, blinking innocently wife. It's all so disappointing.

Where the hell was Anthony Micheal Hall? This is no 80's movie!

So he dances a lot. Big fuckin' deal.

Avoid. Avoid like you avoid those plastic rap pants you have in your wardrobe just in case Breakdance 2: Electric Boogaloo comes back in style. Avoid like neon legwarmers. Avoid like white t-shirts that contain the words "Frankie Say...". Avoid like that God forsaken kid next door who could solve the Rubiks Cube. Just avoid.

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originally posted: 09/05/99 17:32:44
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OFFICIAL SELECTION: 2004 Starz Denver Film Festival. For more in the 2004 Starz Denver Film Festival series, click here.

User Comments

6/01/18 Suzanne The movie is cute as a button - love the music. 4 stars
9/14/17 morris campbell silly but entertaining dance movie 4 stars
7/29/12 cr one best dance movies of all time. chris penn and kevin rock it. 4 stars
7/09/10 Bill That is why they are remaking every 80's movie they can - the movies are GREAT you idiot! 5 stars
4/24/10 doremimi "Dianne Lane as his well meaning, blinking innocently wife?" Seriously? Try Dianne WEIST! 4 stars
10/31/08 Shaun Wallner Interesting Movie! 4 stars
8/25/08 K-DawG.... I lOVe This mOviE!!!! 5 stars
1/05/08 Pamela White great dancing and music, what a romp 5 stars
6/28/07 Evan sheeks it looks like a good movie but its bull shit!!!!!!!!DO NOT SEE THIS MOVIE!!! 1 stars
10/19/06 David Pollastrini not horrible 3 stars
10/04/06 Baldeadly GREAT! Dance Song and a laugh! Made the summer with its Greatness 5 stars
8/29/05 ES Massively entertianing 4 stars
4/16/05 Carol Conway Dancing and great soundtrack 4 stars
4/01/05 Carolyn Cherry I liked It 4 stars
3/31/05 Cindy Sheeks I thought Kevin Bacon ruined a great movie. The music was good though. 4 stars
3/26/05 Denise Fun Kevin Bacon was great! 4 stars
3/25/05 Trish Rucker Fun, just fun - and nothing wrong with that! 4 stars
3/25/05 Carolyn Rathburn this was back when Kevin Bacon couldn't be a bad guy, wasn't possible. An enjoyable film 5 stars
3/24/05 monnilove can we get the any tighter on the pants 3 stars
3/23/05 Suzanne Butler Better than expected. 4 stars
3/23/05 Cheryl Free I haven't seen this since it came out, but I remember when I did I had to buy the album! 4 stars
2/01/05 Jeff Anderson Great soundtrack & Kevin Bacon's performance aside, THIS FILM IS REALLY HOPELESS!!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
1/08/05 art what a very good movie ive ever seen b4 5 stars
1/07/05 faraliza - farra becon is hot!!!!!!! 5 stars
10/26/04 Tamika I thought it was awsome i also saw the prefomance. 5 stars
7/03/04 Syd Kevin Baoon was sooo HOT!!! 5 stars
5/27/04 amanda i love the movie 5 stars
11/25/03 homer J. Simpson an entertaining movie that will make you happy always 4 stars
11/12/03 Heidi I loved the music 5 stars
3/22/03 Jack Sommersby The dancing and Bacon are good, but the personal dramas are heavy-handed and trite. 2 stars
11/29/02 alana meadows it was OK. kevin bacon is an alright would be fun to dance to. 4 stars
10/23/02 Anastasia Beaverhausen This is the reason '80's films are continually shat on 2 stars
9/24/02 amf I love it, I've wore out 3 of this particular movie...I hope I get another for christmas 5 stars
7/21/02 Ren Bacon I didn't see it until 18 years later, in 2002, but it's a delightful film. Go John Lithgow! 5 stars
3/22/02 NWO4LIFE Hard not to like this movie, unless you don't like the 80's. Great fun. 4 stars
12/09/01 Krzysiek It's the best music film in the world 5 stars
10/18/01 Andrew Carden Great Music, but The Sets Are A Bit Dull, and When You're Wanting More, It Doesn't Give In. 3 stars
9/24/01 dragon from eden when i got out of the movie, i just couldn't believe i'd wasted my money on that 1 stars
9/24/01 Adriana This is my all time favorite movie! 5 stars
5/25/01 Tricia I Love this movie 5 stars
3/08/01 Sanja It' classic! I love the music. 4 stars
2/15/01 *~Danielle*Ophelia~* (formerly KyLe*BrOfLoVsKi) This is utter crap, but it's utterly entertaining in its execution. 4 stars
11/21/00 Lauren Good music 4 stars
10/22/00 Billy This movie is completely underrated. Silly premise, but great script, great moments! 5 stars
5/14/00 Steve Layne Fun movie (if uneven) the tracter chicken run was my favorite part of the movie. 4 stars
9/11/99 Eliza The dancing was bad, the storyline even worse, but this is the 80s at it's best (or worst). 4 stars
9/06/99 godsdog ahahahah! OZ, you crack me up like Chris Penn cracks a step ladder! 2 stars
5/19/99 Lucas jackson I thought this movie was stupid except for the crazy dancing at the end 4 stars
5/12/99 Beachlovr9 One of the best 80's movies made... 4 stars
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  01-Dec-1984 (PG)
  DVD: 28-Sep-2004



Directed by
  Herbert Ross

Written by
  Dean Pitchford

  Kevin Bacon
  Lori Singer
  John Lithgow
  Dianne Wiest
  Chris Penn
  Sarah Jessica Parker

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