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Overall Rating

Awesome: 22.86%
Worth A Look: 14.29%
Average: 17.14%
Pretty Bad31.43%
Total Crap: 14.29%

1 review, 29 user ratings

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Beverly Hills Ninja
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by Chris Parry

"Fat jokes and racial stereotypes? Worse than a Tim Allen movie."
2 stars

This flick came out with what could only be called a moderate release. Stupid fat guy being ninja, who'd've thunk it could have made like a gazillion bucks? Nobody... except those that realised that the American viewing public is a collective moron.

And once this thing had cleaned up like a team of Mexican grandmothers (see? Racial stereotypes are sooo boring) the studios got wise. They got jiggy wid it. they realised that if you get a five year old D&D player to write a script, stick a mediocre SNL comedian or cast member of Friends in it and open wide, morons pay you money to be allowed in. Lots of morons. More morons than you'd find in the recently democratised nation of Moronia. More morons than your average Green Bay Packers crowd. More morons than you'd find at a Truck and Tractor Pull in a southern prison. Every single moron there is, ever, anywhere, will come and they'll buy that awful cinema nachos too. They won't even sneak in food. They're stupid, see?

Hence we got The Waterboy. Night At The Roxbury. Fools Rush In. Kissing A Fool. Heck, any Schwimmer film. Big Daddy.

But I digress. You didn't want a history lesson. You wanted to know about Beverly Hills Ninja.

Well it's a dumb movie.

Chris Farley is a big knucklehead. He pretends to be a ninja. He's clumsy. Oh-oh! Look out for the danger-words: zany, hijinx, wackiness and ensues.

Can you imagine the pitch? "Well, it's like this... he's fat... and he's a ninja... who always messes up! Are ya with me? Can you see the possibilities here? This is gold, people! It's never been done before! We'll capture that Karate Kid 4 crowd!"

You want a plot rundown? No, you don't. Hey, don't talk back to me, I'm a review. You don't want a plot rundown, okay?

Let's make it simple. Smack yourself in the face right now. Go on. Okay, if you actually reached up and gave yourself a slap in the moosh, you're ready to go see this film. You are clearly THIS FAR from a vegetative state. But if, like me, you refused to inflict physical discomfort on yourself, why would you start now? Just move along and put any thoughts of renting a Chris Farley movie (except Tommy Boy) out of your mind forever.

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originally posted: 10/09/99 00:24:07
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User Comments

1/10/09 Shaun Wallner Hilarious Movie! 5 stars
12/05/06 Sleez Boy Hilarious, laughed very hard, and the jokes are funny and stupid 5 stars
1/03/06 Anthony Feor Without Spade, Farley is basically usless 3 stars
7/22/05 tony it was funny. well of course its farley 4 stars
7/06/04 Dwight Corbett excellent movie, one of my favourites of all time; love slapstick comedy; this movie has it 5 stars
11/28/03 Samuel Chris Rock and Chris Farley are Hilarious!!! 5 stars
11/24/03 joe Are you a fucking moron ?chris is an idiot.stole everyones ideas.The E tv bio on him made f 1 stars
11/06/03 Vlaude Great Movie, some truely hilarious scenes 5 stars
8/07/03 marc_ian_a Very funny ! (5 stars) :) 5 stars
7/27/03 J Very funny 4 stars
3/14/03 What?! One of Farley's last and terrific movies! 5 stars
1/03/03 Chris McCarty You people are jerks, it wasn't that bad 4 stars
10/09/02 sdfr watched it on tv while channel-surfing, laughed more than i thought i would! 3 stars
9/02/02 AshFan I'm sorry, but this is close to Chris Farley's best. I laughed my @$$ off!! 5 stars
10/02/01 Andrew Carden Horrible, Totally Unfunny Movie. 1 stars
8/07/01 Mr. Hat Fun. It's not a piece of monkey shit like a lot of these assholes are implying. 4 stars
2/06/01 Cool Hand Luke just because it doesn't have a heart wrenching story doesn't mean it isn't funny as hell. 4 stars
11/13/00 The EVIL Penguin It's awful 2 stars
10/09/99 the Grinch Hahah! Fatty fall down, go boom! Me rikey, velly good...FOR ME TO POOP ON! 2 stars
4/12/99 Alonzo ( Ah, It was okay for your typical Saturday Night Live star's movie 3 stars
3/18/99 Madcap what a fucking waste of Farley, film and a Friday nite 1 stars
1/15/99 ACME-TNT This movie has hilarious humor!@ And a big plus it has Farley but thats about it..... 3 stars
9/14/98 Chip Taylor Fat Ass Farley's best 3 stars
8/31/98 Satan Farley owes me for the success of this crap movie. 1 stars
8/30/98 Johny Could have been, I really think so 2 stars
8/24/98 The Capital City Goofball HYEEEEAH! (pants split) Oops. <--- Not funny. 1 stars
8/23/98 Mister Whoopee Black Sheep was way funnier. 2 stars
8/21/98 rotten f. milk It had it's moments. Good shit from Farley and the guy from Mortal Kombat. 3 stars
8/16/98 {{{OZ}}} Poor Farley. He had so much to give. SOOOOOOO much. Pah. 2 stars
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  17-Jan-1997 (PG-13)



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