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Overall Rating

Awesome: 12.79%
Worth A Look: 22.09%
Pretty Bad: 24.42%
Total Crap: 9.3%

8 reviews, 38 user ratings

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Small Soldiers
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by Ryan Arthur

"They're not dolls, they're Burger King tie-ins!"
2 stars

It's *almost* there.

It's too dark for a young kid's movie, too light for a teen, too dumb for an adult.

What we have is a movie without an audience.

Small Soldiers isn't bad. But it's hardly original, either. Director Joe Dante is just ripping off his own Gremlins. Yet, Small Soldiers had the opportunity to be a sleeper hit in the summer of '98. Why didn't it work?

There's something inherently creepy about toys coming to life and trying to kill people (or other toys). It's enough to terrify younger kids.

What could've been a black comedy for young adults and adults is watered down. There's nothing outside of the toys to hold the interest. No one over the age of 15 is going to give a rip if the kid gets the girl or not. For that matter, no one under the age of nine probably will either.

It's unfortunate to see such an actress as Kirsten Dunst wasting her time here, and it's unfortunate that we don't see more of the late Phil Hartman in what was his last role.

Small Soldiers does have it's moments, though they are far and few between.

Hit or miss. You make the call.

link directly to this review at
originally posted: 08/28/98 03:11:33
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User Comments

3/29/16 Aj wales Dante does more with a few toy soldiers than snyder did with the man of steel. 5 stars
3/31/13 TrueBada$$Chick Why were the Farbies in camouflage bikinis & spouting sexist, instead of war, phrases? 1 stars
11/10/10 jack its on cartoon network right now, and it is pissiing me off 1 stars
3/29/08 Pamela White fantastic story and cute amination 4 stars
2/16/07 Vip Ebriega A darker use of the 'Toy Story' idea of living toys. 4 stars
1/14/07 WHAT "I much prefer this to Toy Story"? Rob, were you high when you wrote this review? 2 stars
9/28/06 David Cohen Mean spirited, wimpy heroes, cop-out ending, defines total crap 1 stars
12/29/05 Evan low budget CRAP! 2 stars
8/18/05 ES The army men in toy story were far superior 2 stars
6/22/05 darick OK but...does this movie belong to any category? 3 stars
1/15/05 Jeff Anderson Not Joe Dante's best, but great special effects and a good cast save it. 3 stars
11/25/04 joe it was a funnie and dermend movie 4 stars
11/22/03 ross hendrick Far too scary 3 stars
5/02/03 Jon Lyrik Not bad, but rips off a few elements from Toy Story and is a tad stupid. 3 stars
10/11/02 SiliconHero Another crappy movie bites the dust...RIP Phil Hartman. 2 stars
4/26/02 Jennifer dah stupidest movie ever 1 stars
10/02/01 Andrew Carden The Action Holds Your Attention, Pretty Stupid Though. 3 stars
8/09/01 E-Funk Completely in the Joe Dante tradition...a warm welcome back from a 5-year hiatus. 5 stars
5/07/01 Gracy Lionheart The only part I remember is Dunst smashing barbie like dolls. BoRiNg 2 stars
3/06/00 Kyle Broflovski Cat-piss cocktail. That one extra star is for the soundtrack, and ONLY the soundtrack. 2 stars
10/30/99 Bozo Ditto J-Dogg (below) word for word 1 stars
7/04/99 J-Dogg Dante's got another shit-flick, too violent for children, too stupid for adults. Trash it. 1 stars
6/21/99 Ed Wood Death to the Gorgonites! You'll LOVE this movie! Hilarious from beginning to end 5 stars
3/17/99 Go Swans Nasty, nasty, nasty film. Where was it supposed to be entertaining? 2 stars
12/20/98 Jeff **** 4 stars
11/28/98 Mr.Pink Childish and moronic stupidity. 1 stars
11/14/98 Rageboy This movie was really cool! Smart, Funny, Action! 5 stars
11/05/98 Bad Kosh Wait... those G.I. Joe toys are the villains? What do you know! Fair movie, but take some. 4 stars
9/20/98 MR HOLLYWOOD pure SHIT!!,too violent for kiddies and too boring for biggies,waste of money!!! 1 stars
9/07/98 Damien This movie was cool, everybody failed to see the satire in it, Joe Dante rules! 4 stars
9/06/98 Noah I think that this movie was basically Toy Story on Crack. Ultra-Violent in parts. 3 stars
9/06/98 Gary Interesting premise but missed the boat / Bargain Matinee only 3 stars
8/28/98 Aslan the lion This movie is tight, i loved every minute of it... seen it 5 times 5 stars
8/24/98 The Capital City Goofball I really liked it. Not just for kids, though take some. 4 stars
8/23/98 Mister Whoopee Phil Hartman getting shot at. Spooky. 2 stars
8/16/98 Johny Good effects, little else 2 stars
8/13/98 {{OZ}} For a kid's movie, this was pretty scary. Seriously. 3 stars
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  10-Jul-1998 (PG-13)
  DVD: 08-Feb-2005


  17-Sep-1998 (PG)

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