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Overall Rating

Awesome: 18.18%
Worth A Look: 9.09%
Average: 4.55%
Pretty Bad: 9.09%
Total Crap59.09%

1 review, 16 user ratings

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Speed Zone!
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by Scott Weinberg

"Further proof that humans are the stupidest creatures on Earth."
1 stars

Take a gigantic cast of Love Boat-caliber actors, throw in a bunch of fancy race cars and sprinkle (very) lightly with what are apparently attempts at "comedy". Better yet, imagine how much more awful The Cannonball Run would have been WITHOUT Burt Reynolds. Scary, huh?

Here's a semi-interesting fact about this awful movie. It was originally intended to have a different title. That title was Cannonball Run 3. Now, I can't think of anything scarier than another Burt Reynolds/Dom DeLuise movie, but for now let's briefly discuss Speed Zone.

Here's a list of people who picked up a check during the two weeks this movie was filmed:

John Candy- This guy is well-remembered as a sweet and likeable guy, and he definitely deserves to be. But let's be honest - John Candy made more awful movies in one career than most actors could in two. Or did anyone out there enjoy Who's Harry Crumb, Delirious or Armed & Dangerous?

Donna Dixon - Yes, she's very beautiful, and she's been gracious enough to star in both Spies Like Us AND Doctor Detroit, but let's be honest. When your claim to fame is being 'Mrs. Dan Aykroyd', you're a B-movie actress at best.

Matt Frewer - Known to lifelong nerds everywhere as the immortal Max Headroom, this guy has made a career out of starring in swill like The Taking of Beverly Hills, Lawnmower Man 2 or basically any sequel starring Rick Moranis.

Joe Flaherty - This guy is fondly remembered by those few remaining SCTV fans out there. As far as movies are concerned, this guy's done Club Paradise, Going Berserk and Snowboard Academy. You've been warned.

Melody Anderson - Ahhh...Dale Arden! She was so awfully cute in Flash Gordon that you'd almost be willing to forgive her for being in Dead and Buried, Hitler's Daughter and one of cinema's all-time stupidest films, the Chuck-Norris/Lou Gossett turkey Firewalker.

Tim Matheson - Actually, aside from his participation in this movie, I have nothing bad to say about Tim Matheson. He was in Animal House and Fletch. Tim's cool.

If these cinematic icons don't interest you, just find one actor you like in this bunch: Brooke Shields, John (Luke Duke!) Schneider, Peter Boyle, Eugene Levy, Dick & Tom Smothers, Shari Belafonte, the surreal Jamie Farr, the old Lee Van Cleef, the young Alyssa Milano, the boxer Michael Spinks, the racer Kyle Petty and the pitcher Randy Johnson. They're all here. If you're an actor in a movie like Speed Zone, rest assured you're in the cinematic equivalent of The Hollywood Squares.

If it seems like I'm spending a little too much time on the cast, that's because these names are all the movie has to offer. Unless you're the kind of person who enjoys going to car shows, that is. The attempts at comedy in this movie are just about on the Gilligan's Island level, and that's me being kind.

A particularly annoying thing about this eminently annoying film is the rampant and blatant Michelin product placements. Heck, if you're just going to make a 90-minute commercial, at least get some actors to make it look like a real movie...oh wait, they tried.

The Plot -

There's this race. Across the country. With different cars...and drivers...some are women...I think there's a monkey in there somewhere. If you've seen Convoy, Back Roads, Honky Tonk Freeway, any of the Cannonball Run classics or the epic Smokey and the Bandit trilogy, then you know what you're in store for. Suicide is less painless.

While I applaud any movie that aspires to be a better film than Cannonball Run 2, this movie is just an awful concoction of beautiful cars, stupid stunts, random cleavage, terrible jokes and a lot of actors humiliating themselves. If that sounds like fun to you, go nuts.

Cars you'll never have. Actors you never liked. Jokes you'll never laugh at.

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originally posted: 10/18/00 18:03:00
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User Comments

2/27/21 Frankie I was in the mood to watch something stupid, but I had to fast fwd through most of this one 1 stars
7/21/16 Bob Utter garbage except for the the "peanuts gag", which could have been done better. 1 stars
12/09/09 cptzeep Couldn't finish it - nice weather they filmed in too - frames the film perfectly 1 stars
5/02/08 Alf This is the best car movie ever! Ronin has NOTHING on this! 5 stars
12/31/07 PeteJayhawk Yes, the movie was awful. But for a car-loving 9 year old, it was AWESOME! I loved it. 1 stars
7/04/07 barnsy this is my favouit of all time, watched it when i was like 7, i just love the red lamborghi 5 stars
9/22/06 Gilligan's Island Lover Whats wrong with Gilligan's Island, comedy sitcoms today could only wish to be as funny 3 stars
12/01/05 wildbull awesome opening. i love that lamborghini and all the scenes with it. movie plot D- 2 stars
5/01/05 Peter Nybak You said it all 1 stars
2/06/05 Jeff Anderson AS BAD AS THEY COME! Only Brooke Shields in a good cameo manages to have any fun at all. 1 stars
10/08/04 nick it`s great 5 stars
8/12/04 martin AWESOME MOVIE!! Clasic car film! 5 stars
9/20/03 Vic Not the best movie ever, but as a five year old back in 1989... IT RULED! 2 stars
1/10/03 Cletus John Schneider was Bo Duke! ;-) 1 stars
9/24/02 Leon Good! 4 stars
1/18/01 Trevor Great opening song and great car Except it was a bit crappy when the doors fell off 4 stars
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  02-Apr-1989 (PG)



Directed by
  Jim Drake

Written by
  Michael Short

  John Candy
  Donna Dixon
  Joe Flaherty
  Matt Frewer
  Tim Matheson
  Melody Anderson

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