https://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=3063&reviewer=67

Cocoon

Reviewed By Thom
Posted 10/23/00 10:25:10

"Pre-Viagra virility fantasy"
3 stars (Average)

Old men swim in pool with mysterious rocks in them and get hard-ons. Turns out, the rocks are really alien beings in hibernation and the old men are stealing the life force of an advanced, compassionate race of beings of pure light. And it doesn't even star Shirly MacLain.

Man, are Shirly MacLaine jokes even funny anymore? or do we all commune with extra-terrestrial beings of pure light now?

So, Conundrum... old people want to live forever, aliens want to live too, what to do?

Everyone learns a heartwearming lesson of the delicate dance of life and death and the short, painful human life that only leads to a period of no erections and then the grave.

As if 80 years isn't enough on this planet. I guess you'd have to ask an 80 year old. responses may vary.

Cocoon is just more E.T. sappiness for an older generation. Steve Guttenberg is in it. I saw him on a street corner once, right about the time this movie had been released. I was cutting school with some friends of mine and we asked him for spare change. He gave us a quarter.

What a square. [ ] <-- steve g., no relation to kenny.

Directed by little ronny howard, fresh out of mayberry. I wonder what that bald bitch is up to these days? Making more movies about firestorms? Oh the courage, the conviction, the cash rolling in. yeah, we know what middle aged suburban professionals want. We know what blue collar guys with high school kids identify with.

We've got everyone's number, baby.

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