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Overall Rating

Awesome: 19.51%
Worth A Look: 29.27%
Pretty Bad: 4.88%
Total Crap: 4.88%

1 review, 35 user ratings

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My Bloody Valentine (1981)
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by Scott Weinberg

"A crappy horror movie gets a review better than it deserves. Two, actually!"
3 stars

My buddy Dave and I were discussing if we should review My Bloody Valentine, and I realized that the conversation he and I were having was already more of a review than it deserved. Here's the transcripts, edited to take out all the lols and brbs. If it seems that "not a lot of work" went into this review, well we're talking about a generic Friday the 13th clone with a Valentine's theme. There, happy?

S: I can't review My Bloody Valentine. There's not enough there.

DH: Why's that?

S: It's too flimsy. I'll do it eventually.

DH: You can leave it for me... I actually liked that damn thing... along with some other cheesy stuff.

S: I remember liking it too, but all I remember is a valentine box with a heart in it, a party, a pick-ax, and a guy in a gas mask rubbing some girl's knockers.

DH: hmmm... I would definitely have to watch it again... I remember another part with them playing the game with the knife in between your fingers and the guy stabs his finger or something.

S: Any good gore or nudity that you can recall?

DH: Not really... just the heart thing you mentioned. I know the killer was a guy dressed like a miner.

S: I remember there being sex with miners, which was legal in 1981.

DH: At least this beats the hell out of Sleepaway Camp... I hated that movie with a burning passion.

S: There was a penis at the end of Sleepaway Camp. That's a good enough reason to hate it.

DH: I would say My Bloody Valentine was average for most fans of cheesy 1980's horror movies...It's Canadian...The place where the murders take place is called Valentine Bluffs, which is clever...good camera work.

S: I just like slasher flicks.

---So a few years later, I was asked to review the movie on DVD! Here goes:

Often mentioned in the same breath as longtime slasher favorites like Friday the 13th and Halloween, the 1981 Canadian effort My Bloody Valentine earns a few high marks for some effectively gruesome moments of gore but very little else. Obviously patched together to cash in on the early ‘body count’ craze, this one’s nothing more than a few nasty dispatches surrounded by 80 minutes of poorly-acted yap.

Valentine Bluffs is a sleepy little town with an unsavory secret: a horrible mining accident twenty years earlier claimed the lives of four poor souls and spawned a psychopathic lunatic out for revenge. Though the murderer has long since been remanded to an insane asylum, it seems that the bloodthirsty freak has come back for revenge.

Ignoring the police chief’s direct instructions, a collection of horny young miners decide to overlook the growing pile of corpses and throw a Valentine’s bash deep…in local coal mine. Genius, eh?

To detail any more plot description would be to imply that this movie has any more plot to speak of. Suffice to say that there’s a whole lot of pseudo-soap opera dialogue to fill the time in between the skewerings. Each of the soon-dead dummies has an equally inane female counterpart, all of whom are about to end up on the receiving end of a pickaxe.

Despite a few enjoyably goopy moments (most of which involve dismembered human hearts), nothing about My Bloody Valentine rises above your typical Friday the 13th knockoff. It’s not an altogether awful entry and it’s one that may please fans of old-time slasher tales but there’s very little here to get excited about. (Maybe if Paramount one day reinstates the missing gore footage I could generate a little more excitement.)

So there you have it. The world's first Instant Messenger movie review. It would have probably been better if Dave had known that I was gonna do this ahead of time, but that's his problem. Basically, if you've already seen My Bloody Valentine, great, you don't ever need to again. If you haven't, maybe you have a life, after all.

link directly to this review at
originally posted: 11/16/99 15:09:07
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User Comments

2/21/17 morris campbell one of the better slasher films 4 stars
6/17/11 art THE COAL Miner in this[my bloody valentine],makes you forget jason and micheal! 4 stars
3/03/11 chris c Unrated version restores a flavored cannadian slasher offering 4 stars
10/16/10 Josie Cotton is a goddess Classic slasher! The unrated cut is one you want to see 4 stars
3/07/10 art IT GIVES FRIDAY THE 13TH and halloween a run for there money! 3 stars
11/12/09 Albert Valentin The unrated cut is definitely worthy and nice twist in the end of the film. 4 stars
10/29/09 art ONE OF THE BEST sLASHER FILM"S in wake of FRIDAY tHE 13TH/halloween! 3 stars
8/27/09 starmage2 A great slasher, where what happens to the killer at the end is different from most films. 4 stars
5/29/09 art A LAME CLONE OF FRIDAY THE 13TH! 1 stars
12/28/07 action movie fan not bad 80,s gore film great atmosphere and surprise ending 3 stars
12/16/07 Sugarfoot Has it's heart in the right place. (See what I did there?) Actually a suspenseful slasher 4 stars
11/04/07 art the early 1980's were the best time for slasher film's this is an exzample of it 4 stars
10/26/07 rob good 4 stars
11/04/06 Jason Jahns great atmosphere, cool death scenes 4 stars
8/09/06 Doreen Nice scary film! 3 stars
4/19/06 Mark Louis Baumgart Great blue class thriller, working stiffs get stiffed, still waiting for the uncut version. 5 stars
2/09/06 Darren O Too many censored gore scenes add up to a slasher flick with occasional suspense no more. 3 stars
12/05/05 WSH One of the better Halloween? Friday the 13th rip offs, to bad it was cut. 4 stars
7/04/05 Linda I really liked the movie. A cat jumped thru an open window during a scary part of the movie 5 stars
1/24/05 Jeff Anderson One of the best, say what you will. The mine was especially an amazing, cool setpiece. 5 stars
7/07/04 American Slasher Goddess Not bad, but hopefully one day the gore will be restored in the movie 3 stars
1/31/04 tatum None too shabby 4 stars
11/14/03 Matt When I was 13 (the age at which I actually saw this movie), i thought it was great. 3 stars
12/21/02 Micah Caldwell good slasher flim, needs the original gore back 3 stars
11/03/02 fran mcloughlin crap 1 stars
9/07/02 Michelle I think this movie is great! No matter what bad reviews are given on this message board 5 stars
1/29/02 David Trombly This movie really kicks ass. 5 stars
1/13/02 Tatyanna I love the movie and the Neil Affleck 2 stars
7/20/01 Mickey H I saw it in 81/82 I was 10 still remember it now. 5 stars
4/24/01 Movie shit shit shit shit 2 stars
11/30/00 Jessica I give "My Bloody Valentine" a 5 star rating. Fucking awesome!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
9/22/00 Johnny If you like slasher films, this one's o.k. 3 stars
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  11-Feb-1981 (R)
  DVD: 03-Sep-2002



Directed by
  George Mihalka

Written by
  John Beaird

  Paul Kelman
  Lori Hallier
  Neil Affleck
  Keith Knight

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