An eager cast can't do anything with this dreary material.The low-budget Canadian crime comedy Find the Lady is so all-out atrocious it's something of a genuine miracle the whole damn thing managed to stick to celluloid in the first place. Moronically written and technically incompetent, the bare-bones story has to do with two Toronto detectives named Broom and Kopak assigned to locate a kidnapped female victim who's being held by her dastardly uncle's henchman so he can financially benefit when she soon comes into her father's lucrative estate, but the abduction itself has been so murkily staged you've no clear idea what the hell is going on, and that thoroughly extends to the rest of the movie. That's it. That's it for the story. Really. Find the Lady has been more vomited than scripted, with one moronic set-piece after another giving way to zenith-level ineptitude no cinematic endeavor could ever withstand - you're left blinking your eyes and closing your gaping mouth while witness to something so direly witless. To give an idea of the supposed humor, there's a running gag of the general distaste for anchovies on pizza that's about as amusing as it sounds, with Kopak forever damaging departmental squad cars that's equally insipid. None of the performers demonstrates the slightest knack for physical comedy, and the movie tries deriving cheap laughs off of gong-drum sounds whenever a Japanese-born cop appears. Har-har. This abominable cinematic exercise is so contemptible on so many levels that when a character in a sleazy strip club remarks on the building's shoddy electricity "I've got original wiring from Edison" it's positively Shakespearean compared to the rest of the egregious verbiage. In case one hasn't surmised by now, Find the Lady is entirely forgettable and as disposable as a twenty-six-cent pair of thrift-store underwearUgh.