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Overall Rating

Awesome: 2.27%
Worth A Look: 2.27%
Average: 13.64%
Pretty Bad: 9.09%
Total Crap72.73%

6 reviews, 96 user ratings

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Speed 2: Cruise Control
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by Rob Gonsalves

"Textbook example of an inane sequel."
1 stars

This is probably as good a time as any to point out that Orson Welles scrounged for budgets all his life, yet studios routinely throw $110 million at crap like 'Speed 2.' (This is also probably the only time you'll ever see "Orson Welles" and "Speed 2" in the same sentence.)

This sequel to the superb, drum-tight 1994 hit Speed is unusually terrible, even by low summer-schlock standards. It's an insult to everyone who enjoyed the original; I strongly suspect that 20th Century-Fox took an existing Under Siege rip-off script and reworked it as a Speed "sequel."

Keanu Reeves may have made Feeling Minnesota, but at least he had the sense to pass on this embarrassment. The director, Jan de Bont (the first Speed, Twister), should have followed Keanu's lead. De Bont is a master of kinetic escapism -- dumb but exhilarating, nimble fun. But what made him think he could reproduce the reckless thrill of a speeding bus in a sequel set entirely on a cruise liner? He can't, and he falls back on circling helicopter shots of the ship, which moves with all the breathtaking speed of a dead sea tortoise while the pounding score keeps telling us we're seeing incredible velocity.

Among the passengers on the luxury liner are Sandra Bullock, blandly reprising the role that made her America's darling; Jason Patric (in for Keanu) as Sandy's new SWAT-cop boyfriend; and, last and surprisingly least, Willem Dafoe in an indifferent performance as a disgruntled computer geek who takes control of the ship. This villain, who has some bizarre disease that requires him to stick leeches to his chest, plans to steal all the passengers' jewelry -- a good metaphor for Dafoe's mercenary work here: Take the money and run.

Most of the time, we're watching Sandy and Patric dash around rescuing rich fat-cat passengers we couldn't care less about; I wanted to see a few of them achieve oneness with the ship's propellers, but this is a PG-13 movie (unlike its R-rated predecessor), so there isn't even that sick thrill. There's a deaf girl who has a crush on Patric (who conveniently knows sign language -- nothing comes of this); there's a cameo by the reggae-rock band UB40, who perform on the ship and then mysteriously vanish -- we don't see them among the evacuees. Did they fall overboard? Did Dafoe feed them to his leeches? Everything builds to a double anti-climax in which the ship just misses impaling an oil tanker, then goes on to plow into a harborside resort. We get 87 shots of everyone in the cast spouting a PG-13 epithet in anticipation of the crash. Imagine -- it took two screenwriters to come up with that. The endless collision is as unconvincing as it is boring.

Throughout, Bullock acts vaguely inconvenienced by all the chaos, while Patric is quickly making me forget his mercurial work in 'Rush.' But then this movie isn't much of a rush for anyone concerned. The original 'Speed' is readily available; check it out again to remind yourself what genuinely inspired action looks like. Perhaps Jan de Bont should have watched it again, too.

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originally posted: 01/20/07 15:35:06
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User Comments

3/13/17 morris campbell TRASH AWFUL SEQUEL JUST TRASH 1 stars
1/01/10 Dane Youssef Like New Years Eve 1999, this is one of those events that lives up to all the hype. 1 stars
9/14/09 Jeff Wilder Worst movie ever? Not quite. One of the worst sequels? Yes 1 stars
1/28/08 Pamela White not as good as Speed but worth a look 4 stars
7/10/07 Total Crap This movie is a FUCKLOAD of SHIT in a wagon. Call it Speed? Was this director on drugs?! 1 stars
6/02/07 King If there is a graveyard for movie, this movie should go 6 feet under. Hold on maybe 12 feet 1 stars
2/14/07 johnnyfog Possibly the worst action film in existence. Destroy all copies 1 stars
2/06/07 Matt Goofball ending just about saves this turkey from sinking completely. 3 stars
1/13/07 Sepi53 not that bad 3 stars
11/25/06 David Pollastrini boring, dull, etc. 2 stars
5/29/06 inty it was fine 3 stars
2/26/06 Quigley wow, people. it wasn't THAT bad. sure, it was over-the-top and horribly acted, but geez! 3 stars
1/18/06 cody a okay follow up the action thriller speed, kinded like posedion adventure meets speed 3 stars
1/09/06 Jim ther is no such thing as a bad Sandra Bullock movie 5 stars
1/03/06 Anthony Feor In the end its just a wild crazy nap. It lacked everything the first one had 2 stars
11/16/05 nemeth all you people suck. this one is better than the first!!! 5 stars
8/21/05 FRankie the movie is fine 3 stars
8/17/05 ES hey I hated Speed just as much as this tanker 1 stars
7/11/05 Indrid Cold Everybody hates it because it sucks compared to Speed, but it's a decent actioner. 3 stars
5/26/05 tony this movie was pretty bad near the end. Kinda cheezy. But otherwise ok. rent this movie! 3 stars
5/25/05 Jake This movie Sucks Balls! 1 stars
5/02/05 Monster W. Kung I'd rather cut one of my balls and throw it out of the window than see this shit again. 1 stars
2/07/05 Jeff Anderson THIS DRECK GIVES SEQUELS A BAD, BAD NAME! Sad to say, Sandra's smoking hot, but bad in this 1 stars
12/20/04 WatsUp I hate Bullock. Soooo artificial 2 stars
12/10/04 tony this movie was a good sequel but the computer animation was a bit poor. 2 stars
12/10/04 Kristina Williams do I have to say it? 1 stars
2/23/04 Whatevr worst sequel ever 1 stars
2/21/04 Denise Duspiva Speed + Repeat= Speed 2 3 stars
1/31/04 Liam McIntyre Suckfest of the century! 1 stars
1/16/04 Chris This movie is FINE. I don't know why we consider it one of the worst of all time. Fun. 4 stars
1/15/04 Betty White Dafoe is wildly amusing, but he can only do so much for his overlong, silly film. 3 stars
1/08/04 Jack Sommersby Lethargic and underwhelming. 1 stars
1/01/04 Charles Tatum One of the biggest disappointments I have ever witnessed 1 stars
12/21/03 Matt Okay, it sucked, but it was so bad it's good...! 3 stars
12/07/03 john one of the worst movies ever made - insulting to the paying audience 1 stars
10/15/03 DrSkyTower complete and utter shite, worst action flick I've ever seen 1 stars
8/06/03 omar "surfur" youssef No, Reeves isn't in this movie. I guess he actually saw the script. 1 stars
8/04/03 The Watcher I would rather have 20 root canals performed in a third world country by a blind guy 1 stars
7/04/03 T3 Sandra rocks, this movie sucks though. 2 stars
6/26/03 cochese Yuck 1 stars
6/04/03 Emma i think its good. for a 12 year old its action-packed:) 5 stars
4/24/03 GWB bad 1 stars
3/25/03 Jack Sommersby Gag me. 1 stars
3/18/03 Sean McLean I would rather be wafted a handful of farts after a chili contest then to have watched this 1 stars
3/13/03 R.W. Welch Completely unconvincing and a waste of good F/X money. 1 stars
3/13/03 Shadaan o.k ...they should have stopped with the first one. 2 stars
2/03/03 kz and to think the first one was so good 1 stars
1/21/03 Matt Thiel Mind numbing. The music score is pretty good, though. 1 stars
1/04/03 freewaygl hahahahahah who thought this one up? its so ridiculous its great!!! 4 stars
12/30/02 Fonq35 My ass could have written a better screenplay... THIS IS SHIT! 1 stars
12/12/02 NoRefill When the boat started crashing, I fell asleep, woke up later and it was still crashing. 1 stars
11/17/02 Nevz oh dear, oh dear. 1 stars
10/27/02 Matt Neopalitano ...and I originally thought Keanu screwed the pooch by not signing up for this. 1 stars
9/23/02 snowconehead Speed 2!!! Zippin along at 7 nauts per hour!!! Everybody walk!! walk for you lives!!!!!!! 1 stars
9/06/02 Chancey Thunderpants Damn, even a dumbass like Keanu stayed away from this turd. That says it all right there. 1 stars
8/02/02 I Can't Swim Dafoe has 'Body of Evidence', 'Spider-Man' & this on his resume..get a new agent dude! NOW! 1 stars
7/10/02 jerimiah big time ass sniffin' on a hot, humid summer day at the gym 1 stars
7/08/02 Girl 9 abandon ship captin...this one's full of shit! 1 stars
1/18/02 randy scott It stinks! The funny thing is though siskel and ebert gave it 2 thumbs up! NO LIE! 1 stars
8/09/01 E-Funk Jan De Bont: BURN IN HELL 1 stars
7/10/01 TLsmooth Will one of you guys do me a favor and poke my eyes out? 1 stars
5/03/01 Gracy Lionheart YAWN!!! Boring!!! 1 stars
3/12/01 Kellis The Rating Says it all. 2 stars
2/25/01 INCUBATOR Sux all ass + 1 ass more 1 stars
2/07/01 lisa Keanu had the right idea. 1 stars
1/09/01 Fernand The only good thing of the movie is CHRISTINE FIRKINS she is so beautiful. 1 stars
1/08/01 NoRefill I feel it is my duty (and everyone I know) to rate this as the worst film ever made. 1 stars
11/28/00 Cristopher Revilla Another pathetic fuckshit, i'd rather watch the original than this fucking garbage!!! 1 stars
9/16/00 Wafer Was the director kidding? 1 stars
6/28/00 Naushad Khanji Terrible sequel to a most brilliant film.Muddled script.Badly executed 1 stars
3/22/00 Lame-Oh Speed 2: starring that no talent scumbutt Sandra Bullock. Ugh. 1 stars
1/14/00 Croweater Arguably THE worst film of the 90's, starring the worlds most sickening/purile actress. 1 stars
1/12/00 dr.d AWFUL!!! 1 stars
10/20/99 Tony Daquano Suck it out my ass 1 stars
10/05/99 rob Silly, but still entertaining. 3 stars
6/03/99 lucas jackson this movie was so bad it made the first movie look good 2 stars
5/27/99 GothamDK Please no more! No Keanu is the only blessing. Sandra gets the only 2 stars. 2 stars
1/19/99 Chronically hip A nightmare. The guy below is on crack. Worthless in every way. Nauseating. 1 stars
1/16/99 Dasha Why this movie was ever made? 1 stars
12/13/98 Binky An unmitigated disgrace. 1 stars
11/27/98 Mr.Pink God! I almost started to miss Keanu! 1 stars
11/18/98 MinxxDaShorty the first one was shit, the second one speaks for itself!!! ha ha ha ha ha ha ha 1 stars
11/05/98 Lord Of The Dunce Bullock is named correctly. She is a large working cow. This movie was the pits all through 1 stars
11/02/98 MR HOLLYWOOD !! Tedious and Coma-like, YES i know, BUT i cant stop drooling over Sandra Bullock,YUMMY!!! 2 stars
10/18/98 Kwyjibo A disgracefully stupid, moronic, pathetic, hopeless film. De Bont should be blacklisted. 1 stars
10/13/98 jym possibly the worst movie ever 1 stars
10/09/98 Blake Sandra Bullock rules, but the movie blows. 2 stars
9/05/98 Kid Pee-Pee I had to leave. I couldn't stomach the camera shaking anymore. I was nauseous. Disgraceful. 1 stars
9/04/98 Scott Taylor I couldn't stop giggling in the theater. People were looking at me. "The humanity!" 1 stars
8/25/98 The Capital City Goofball The producers clearly assumed we have no intellect. Made me very angry. Utter shit. 1 stars
8/21/98 Mike F I like crappy films. but please. 1 stars
8/21/98 Pete A pox on the house of everyone involved. I wanted to poke out my eyes with a spoon. 1 stars
8/19/98 Johny I couldn't even get through it on HBO during a rainy day 1 stars
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  13-Jun-1997 (PG-13)
  DVD: 30-Jul-2002


  25-Sep-1997 (M)

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