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Overall Rating

Awesome: 8.89%
Worth A Look: 4.44%
Average: 8.89%
Pretty Bad: 28.89%
Total Crap48.89%

3 reviews, 27 user ratings

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Ready to Rumble
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by Erik Childress

"Wrestling Is Fake. A Film For Idiots."
1 stars

I am scared of people who think wrestling isn’t fake. I am scared of people who absolutely love David Arquette. Mix all that up and you have a movie that not only frightens me to no end, but is so bad that it has me believing I was too hard on the director’s previous film, Varsity Blues. Wrestling is fake.

Ready to Rumble stars the aforementioned Arquette and Scott Caan (James’ son) as two septic sanitationists who live in a white trash community and worship wrestling. They think wrestling is 100% legit and apart from a few ten-second asides, the movie does nothing to disprove their belief. Our heroes are devastated when their personal hero, Jimmy the King (Oliver Platt), gets ambushed in an unscripted anhiliation by manager Titus Sinclair (Joe Pantoliano essentially playing Vince McMahon), Diamond Dallas Page and a ton of other wrestlers. So distraught are our two purple slushie-drinking, port-a-potty-cleaning, morons that they crash their sludge truck in just one of the film’s plethora of crap/ass/flatulence/stinky jokes, and set off to help the King reclaim his throne – and that’s not just a bad pun. In fact there is almost no way to begin describing how bad this film is, except to say that any bad pun would actually be welcome in it. Wrestling is fake.
This is the only movie I can remember where a fart joke is talked about without a single noise ever being heard. And as film teachers always say – “don’t say it, show it.” The soundtrack is splashed with Kid Rock anthems and as my friend said during the film, a trailer movie deserves trailer music. But when the King is dethroned, the soundtrack plays up the same piece of classical music prevalent in John Boorman’s 1981 King Arthur epic, Excalibur, a in-joke that will no doubt go unnoticed by the crowds seeing this film, and one which would be funny if I found anything in or about this movie funny. Wrestling is fake.
David Arquette shows no restraint at all in his role, making his performance in Scream seem Oscar-worthy and his spots for AT&T seem like the shock therapy is working. Scott Caan does have a screen presence (he was funny in Varsity Blues and volatile in Boiler Room) and he milks the straight man role the best he can, but there’s absolutely nothing to play off of here. Oliver Platt is one of the best character actors working in comedy today and has been for a long time. The idea of him as a wrestler is funny and as watchable as Platt can be, I still failed to manage a single laugh. I even became embarrassed the moment Martin Landau steps in as an aging pro wrestler who beats the hell out of everyone. And Rose McGowan – someone please explain to me.
The movie leads up to a no holds barred triple cage match that might get wrestling fans excited if they made it this far. At the end of this final match, DDP takes a dive through three stories of metal cages and lands flat on his back. In the recent documentary, Beyond the Mat, footage is viewed of Mankind taking an accidental dive through a single cage ceiling and winds up with multiple injuries. Wrestling is fake. And when I say that I’m referring to the matches themselves. I’m aware that some of the actions in the ring can cause pain to the wrestler, even if the moves are planned. And the greatest insult inflicted upon people is that it clearly makes the point that everything that happens inside the wrestling ring is real. Wrestlers once again seem to be taking themselves too seriously to be parodied. They always act like they’re not in on the joke, because most of them won’t admit to there actually being a joke in the first place.

Ready to Rumble is a film for idiots. There – I said it. I don’t care if you like it or find it amusing – but if you believe this is how wrestling goes down – then you are an idiot. The film fails not just because it isn’t funny, but because it doesn’t play as a parody of “professional” wrestling, but more like a “Rocky”-like underdog story crossed the lowest form of bathroom humor – the kind that thinks crap is funny for the sake of being crap. There isn’t a more poetic way to sum up this movie than that.

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originally posted: 04/10/00 08:41:46
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User Comments

3/07/10 Marc Kelly Absoultely aweful on every level. 1 stars
8/28/07 johnnyfog Oliver Platt is pretty damn funny in this. Otherwise, meh. 3 stars
3/31/06 Anthony Feor Funny, but at the same time worthless 2 stars
3/26/06 C Vega worst movie EVER! no wonder WCW got sold to satan himself! 1 stars
1/02/06 cody a cool goofy movie based on wcw wreslting, but oliver platt did not fit the part of hero 3 stars
5/27/05 tony Lets just say that all wrestling sucks but this movie made it look good! But still weak 2 stars
12/09/04 Kristina Williams WWE RAW is more fun than this trash 1 stars
7/13/04 don best movie ive ever seen those who think its stupid are totally crazy 5 stars
3/24/04 Ken Stryker WCW lays dead anyways 2 stars
7/06/03 Jack Sommersby About as funny as a rubber crutch. 1 stars
6/04/03 mee funny 5 stars
12/10/01 Andrew Carden Unwatchable and Tasteless Boxing Flick. 1 stars
12/02/01 Monster W. Kung Idiotic wanna-be parody that has a couple of moments but never hits hard enough. 2 stars
10/14/00 Leon Trotsky Fuck, that wasn't worth the new release rental price. 1 stars
5/13/00 MKillroy Wrestling is fake, Movie was funny 4 stars
5/04/00 Blackbird Mindless fun similar to Dumb and Dumber. Unfortunately, same mindset goes with WCW. 2 stars
4/25/00 Captain Highcrime I'll never dare W.B. to try & make a movie that'll cost them absolutely nothing again. 2 stars
4/20/00 Vampyre9mm Too bad it had to be about WCW.... 3 stars
4/14/00 The King of the Bros Made me want to get mad cow disease. 1 stars
4/12/00 TimmyToday This was a belly-to-belly suplex awesome movie!!! 5 stars
4/12/00 Lame-Oh the only part in this movie that stood was McGowan's toots 2 stars
4/10/00 Mrtoddk Some times you need a movie that doesn't take anything seriously. This movie is it. 5 stars
4/10/00 Chartsy As homage to Half Baked "You ever see Ready To Rumble...on WEED?" 3 stars
4/10/00 JSR Burn your seven bucks before you would ever spend it on a ticket for this load of dog feces 1 stars
4/08/00 Heywood Jablowme This movie flippin sucks. showed more Rose Mcgowan's tits than WRESTLING!!! 1 stars
4/08/00 Gordie Not nearly as good as other dumb-buddy movies, but a rollicking crowd-pleaser all the same 4 stars
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  07-Apr-2000 (PG-13)



Directed by
  Brian Robbins

Written by
  Steven Brill

  David Arquette
  Scott Caan
  Oliver Platt
  Rose McGowan
  Martin Landau
  John Goodman

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