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Overall Rating

Awesome: 6.98%
Worth A Look: 2.33%
Average: 20.93%
Pretty Bad43.02%
Total Crap: 26.74%

6 reviews, 50 user ratings

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Along Came a Spider
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by Greg Muskewitz

"It's a broken web."
2 stars

Along Came a Spider is a major disappointment to anyone who has followed James Patterson’s “Detective Alex Cross” series.

Even though I hardly remember the book any longer, I do remember enough to know that it has been altered to a manky, boring and generic detective movie. Cinematically, it is the sequel to 1997’s Kiss the Girls, though the books went the other way. While the casting of Morgan Freeman posed some problems in Kiss the Girls (mainly due to age; Denzel was always my candidate), he didn’t end up too handicapped. But his age isn’t even the beginning of what was altered in this kidnapping caper. The actual investigation taking place here is the kidnapping of Megan Rose, daughter of a D.C. political figure, by one of her teachers. (In the novel, Megan was Maggie, and there was another boy kidnapped with her too.) Barely following a bit of the framework, the movie forks off onto its own the rest of the way, in addition to its own prologue — a big, loud and even somewhat thrilling car crash. Soon, the teacher is peeling off the obvious prosthetic make-up he was wearing, and “resuscitates” the semi-retired Cross (most of the characters say “Crosst,” with Monica Potter as the main perpetrator) to “find him.” He wants fame, he wants history — that much is retained from the novel — but everything else, including our little girl’s gallantry and pluckiness, is nothing more than a potboiler addend, and a cheap gimmick at that. Even for those who might not have read the book and instantaneously noted the decline of suspense, quality and knowledge of what was to be, the repetitive and commonplace usage of all of these clichés and twists is very noticeable. It’s a bad production, starting with the hack script by Marc Moss and the prolusive direction of Lee Tamahori. Along Came a Spider moves more to the pace of a snail, until the obligatory shoot-outs and shoot-ups. The strategy and methodology of the police and their actions, and the culprit(s) and his/their actions, is hokey, contrived and dull. Before this spider could even finish weaving its web, it was wiped away.

With Michael Wincott and Mika Boorem.

[Not to be bothered with.]

link directly to this review at
originally posted: 04/11/01 15:30:03
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User Comments

9/13/17 morris campbell it sucks read the book instead 1 stars
10/21/12 Jeff Wilder Freeman's good as always. But the movie blows. 1 stars
7/26/09 the dork knight Single worst fucking movie I have ever seen. Saw the twist coming a mile away!! 1 stars
10/05/08 Lenny Zane Both Morgan Freeman and Monica Potter CAN be darned good. What a shame about theis drivel! 1 stars
9/26/08 Shaun Wallner Awesome story! 5 stars
11/21/07 G. Webster another case of horrible screenwriting from a good book 3 stars
11/11/07 Jack Sommersby Simply dreadful stuff. 1 stars
7/01/07 johnnyfog If this isn't SHIT, then NOTHING is. 1 stars
5/15/07 Rob I still remember groaning in the theatre when Potter is revealed as the Bad Guy.. Horrible! 1 stars
1/31/07 Albert Stone The plot is riduclous, but the acting was good. CGI car crash was rubbish. 3 stars
6/11/06 Chris A decent movie although the book was better 3 stars
8/12/05 ES I know let's put a really crappy CGI car crash within the first five minutes of the film! 1 stars
8/09/05 seeda It's cool 5 stars
7/20/05 Chris Not that bad 3 stars
2/27/05 Dr. Lecter a bunch of well-made, polished cliches 3 stars
5/25/04 Jenny The book would have made a much better movie. 1 stars
11/22/03 R.W. Welch A few good scenes but has sort of a mish-mash quality and Potter is miscast. 3 stars
11/08/03 The Velcro Warlock I liked Monica Potter, until this apparently ended her career. 1 stars
7/23/03 francis plot twists are standard now - no excitement left. Potter is leaden. 3 stars
6/10/03 Jack Bourbon Along came a . . . zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. . . Ehem. . .WHA??? 2 stars
3/20/03 Wendy Jane Torrance Couldn't HEAD OVER HEELS have shown ANYBODY what Monica Potter was born to play? 1 stars
7/24/02 dzk AWESOME ! Wonderful ending ! Monica Potter is the best actress of our era ! Cheers !! 5 stars
7/08/02 Film Dude Ugh. It's sad seeing Morgan Freeman in this state. 2 stars
6/05/02 I'm in (L) with a Jedi welllll.....the twist was surprising, but othawise......pppppfffffff 1 stars
5/24/02 Charles Tatum Freeman good, Potter needs to quit acting 2 stars
5/14/02 Danielle Ophelia Morgan Freeman slumming is a terrible thing to watch. Also, Monica Potter is a choad. 2 stars
3/29/02 Frank E. Loved it. Take us back to the 70's! for today's crowd (duh) That is new! 5 stars
2/24/02 Chris K. Tries to be like a Mario Bava and Lucio Fulci Italian giallo, but it just doesn't cut it. 3 stars
2/20/02 Xaver Freeman was great but he couldn't save this film. 2 stars
1/25/02 Wendy Jane Torrance Couldn't HEAD OVER HEELS have shown ANYBODY what Monica Potter was born to play? 1 stars
12/25/01 Leslie Suranyi Jr. Freeman does his best despite being mired in a hopeless plot. Don't watch this movie. 1 stars
12/07/01 Phil M. Afficianado Unbelievable, literally. Only because of Freeman is it watchable. Potter doesn't cut it.i 3 stars
11/25/01 Senor Pescolido Very very weak. Is it wrong to challenge an audience, instead of playing down to it? 1 stars
10/27/01 Monday Morning Morgan is good. Also wouldn't mind seeing Monica Potter nekkid; she sure can't act. 3 stars
9/28/01 Karabella This movie was so kickass! I would see it over and over again 5 stars
8/16/01 Belinda Morgan Freeman what were you thinking? This and Nurse Betty were shockers! 2 stars
8/10/01 kris Average 3 stars
6/18/01 Mary Morgan Freeman too good an actor to be so clueless in this film! 2 stars
6/07/01 Peter Brook doh. 2 stars
5/25/01 Matthew Bartley Whats the point of having a twist exactly the same as the first film? 2 stars
5/17/01 Layna I thought it was AWESOME!!! 5 stars
5/16/01 Rampage Freeman was good, this movie was total bullshit 2 stars
5/14/01 Thai Nguyen Nice twist 4 stars
5/13/01 Gary i actually had a good time 4 stars
5/02/01 BrainPan Want to see a good Morgan Freeman detective movie with lots of rain? Try SE7EN. 2 stars
4/29/01 bullit17 If you really want to enjoy "Along Came..." spend yout $8 on the book instead of the movie. 3 stars
4/26/01 Hobius The purest crap ever. 1 stars
4/23/01 jusDucky Freeman is so good, but Potter futher weakened the show. 2 stars
4/18/01 Ajay I'm too busy eyeing the door to care about the "surprise" ending. 1 stars
4/15/01 Roy Smith It's not a twist if you see the ending coming for 20 minutes away. 2 stars
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  06-Apr-2001 (R)


  16-Aug-2001 (M)

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