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Overall Rating

Awesome: 6.67%
Worth A Look: 15%
Average: 26.67%
Pretty Bad28.33%
Total Crap: 23.33%

6 reviews, 24 user ratings

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One Night at McCool's
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by Chris Parry

"Are you kidding me? This kind of script can get A-list actors these days?"
1 stars

Further proof, if any were needed, that anyone who wants to write screenplays for a living has no excuses not to give it a shot, One Night at McCool's is truly awful in every way - from concept to screenplay to production to finished result. There's nothing here that would have ever earned the film a release had it not been produced by Michael Douglas and starred an elf with a great rack. It has all the feeling of a high school play, all the intensity of same, and ends up coming off like a 90 minute Aerosmith video - without the decent music.

Liz Tyler plays Jewel, a devil in a red dress who can be summed up simply in four words - she's nothing but trouble. She bounces from bed to bed, using and abusing men like they're half-dead mice to be batted around by her... uh... cat. You know what I was gonna say...

Anyhow, so she encounters a poor schlub working for nickels in a bar (Matt Dillon), who she seduces with a view to robbing him of everything he's got with her boyfriend Utah (Andrew Dice Clay). One thing leads to another, bardude and Jewel hump, then Jewel kills Utah and has bardude cover for her.

Enter bardude's bondage-loving lawyer cousin (Paul Reiser) and a soppy detective with a dead ex-wife (John Goodman), and you're left with more bed-hopping than you might find in the average 60's religious movement.

Nobody in McCool's deserves their paycheck. Nobody behind McCool's deserved to see the film make a big screen release. Nobody who has seen McCool's could claim it has pushed the boundaries of cinema one iota, nor that it ever tried, nor that it, in fact, attempted to do anything more than exist as a potential moneymaking commercial product.

Norwegian director Harald Zwart does his career no favors here (though he did get a gig on Agent Cody Banks shortly after it), creating a one dimensional world of comic-book colors and cartoon strip characters that never stretches above the 'three guys, a room and a camera' standard. And for a guy who had really only done music videos prior to this, the music just sucks. Really, it does.

Liv Tyler, who got her start spreading her pins for her poppy's music videos, seems to be reverting to the womb here. She holds nothing back in her quest to be seen as a piece of ass, from leather gear to schmearing herself with soap and straddling the hood of a wet car, to doing the cranial drop down towards Matt Dillon's jeans. The object of the film seems tobe that men will sell their families, souls, jobs and morality to hump a hot chick in a floral summer dress. It also seems to be saying that women get whatever they want if they'll fuck anything that moves.

I can't deny either theory, but One Night at McCool's doesn't prove them to me in any traditional sense. What it does prove is that stars will do anything that another star has signed on to, and that no matter how bad a movie with A-list actors involved is, it will be released - somewhere, sometime, to someone.

Note to Andrew Dice Clay: "This is a touchy situation!" is just not funny. So why do you keep saying it?

link directly to this review at
originally posted: 01/10/04 11:23:54
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User Comments

8/10/06 William Goss Lovely Liv, little laughs. 2 stars
5/10/06 KingNeutron Liv Tyler looks gorgeous, but the movie has very little substance. 2 stars
3/30/04 R.W. Welch Not very witty caper comedy, does pick up a little in the late going. 2 stars
2/19/04 JUlia Cox One of those one-thing-leads-to-another "comedies", mostly not funny but partly watchable 4 stars
11/07/03 Capt' Fox If you like this type of ironic humor you'll love it. If not, you'll doze off. 4 stars
10/29/03 Dean Rapp watch it for Liv Tyler...mmmmm 4 stars
2/12/03 spacecowboy OMG LIV TYLER IS SOO HOT! pretty funny, had an empty feeling at the end though. 5 stars
2/10/03 Goofy Maxwell a.k.a. Dice Man One Night at McChumps blows mcchunks. Bada-BING! 1 stars
12/29/02 Jack Sommersby Aside from Douglas' gut-funny turn, this is atrocious. 1 stars
8/05/02 KMG Not really funny until the end 3 stars
2/28/02 Alan Smithee Worth watching only for the car wash scene. Liv Tyler is so hot......... 2 stars
2/12/02 Morgan H This film really isn't as bad as Mr Cortez would have you believe. 4 stars
2/11/02 Jim WTF? What an odd little movie ... shootout to "Macho Man" nearly gave me a heart attack. 4 stars
11/29/01 The $1.98 Pyramid Great Cast. Poor story, equals really funny stupid jokes. 4 stars
11/02/01 Jasmine Fayle quite good but then i saw it straight after ghosts of mars 4 stars
11/01/01 Monday Morning A few VERY funny moments but mostly a waste of good cast. 3 stars
8/04/01 Phil M. Afficianado Greg Muskewitz has nailed it. Mildly entertaining but in the end kind of an empty feeling. 3 stars
6/06/01 Peter Brook Liv is worthing looking at, but the plot is just too unconvincing 2 stars
6/04/01 mark willo liv tyler has one fine ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
5/07/01 poetchuck Sometimes you go just for the eye candy 4 stars
4/30/01 placido Saw it and it was pretty good! Liv Tyler was absolutely outstanding - gratuitous soft pr0n. 4 stars
4/30/01 f*r*o*s*t*y Really, just average. Good cast, but story is so-so. 3 stars
4/25/01 David Fitzhugh Saw It... @#$%in' hilarious... ***** stars! 5 stars
4/25/01 Matthew Bartley Excellent! Really funny 5 stars
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  27-Apr-2001 (R)


  01-Nov-2001 (M)

Directed by
  Harald Zwart

Written by
  Stan Seidel

  Matt Dillon
  Michael Douglas
  John Goodman
  Paul Reiser
  Liv Tyler
  Andrew Dice Clay

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