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Overall Rating

Awesome: 0%
Worth A Look: 2.6%
Average: 10.39%
Pretty Bad: 20.78%
Total Crap66.23%

3 reviews, 59 user ratings

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Virus (1999)
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by Scott Weinberg

"Unwatchable, boring and a complete embarassment. Really."
1 stars

As a horror fan, I have to defend a lot of movies I like. Things like The Relic and Mimic, Deep Blue Sea and Anaconda. It's rough. This piece of dog shit seems to be most inspired by last year's Deep Rising, which is hardly a movie to model since it's also dog shit. (But I liked even that one.) Virus just blows all the others out of the water as far as the ability to annoy, bore, and just plain repel. Even you horror fans, stay away.

>Flush< That's the sound I thought of as the credits rolled on this sad and moronic movie. There's no plot, but even the paper-towel premise is insultingly familiar: Super-human life-form wipes out ship; Smaller ship shows up and crew gets methodically butchered. Sounds tough to screw up even something as stupid as that, but Virus is so devoid of any thought or action that it defies description.

Jamie Lee Curtis is mesmerizingly bad in this movie. Watching her, soaking wet with a quivering jaw, trying to emote something like "Hey, Fred! You're about to be impaled by a mutant laptop computer!" is so sad, I think I'd rather watch videos of those fly-covered Ethiopians.

But then there's Donald Sutherland. Hoo boy. I swear someone must have told him he was doing an Airplane!-type slapstick comedy, because he gives the best unintentionally hysterical performance since Jon Voight in Anaconda. Either that or he's just given up on reading scripts and just shows up at the studio every day, like a homeless man. Also, Joanna Pacula is in this one. She was in The Kiss, Warlock: The Armageddon, The Silence of the Hams and My Giant. If you don't consider that warning enough, I feel sorry for you.

Often in movies like these, simple things like special effects or the supporting cast or a script will help. No luck here. At least Deep Rising had a cool monster. Our villain here looks like a giant closet which is overflowing with old computer equipment. A modem here, a monitor there. My jaw was open. The supporting characters are so poorly developed, it reeks of a complete lack of effort. It's quite stunning that this ever saw the inside of a movie theater, anywhere.

There's nothing wrong with real dumb, real fun horror schlock. In fact, it can be quite wonderful. Unfortunately, we horror lunatics have to ocassionally wade through garbage like this to discover something like Dark Angel: The Ascent or Highway to Hell. Search those ones out before you even consider seeing Jamie Cow Curtis in another horror movie. Come on! She considers Halloween: H2O a GOOD career move, for God's sake!

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originally posted: 11/23/99 13:00:12
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User Comments

3/25/18 morris campbell it sux 1 stars
11/25/07 Bnorm It really wasnt all that bad... 3 stars
3/22/06 Indrid Cold Worth a look for the biomechs alone, but no, it's not a good movie. 2 stars
8/26/05 ES Wow this movie took a lot of hits, Personally it was fine, except for the Baldwin of course 3 stars
5/23/05 Steve Newman I have read the reviews - it must be me - I liked it - perhaps I was drunk?? 4 stars
7/17/04 Gray cobbed together from original works 2 stars
2/23/04 Naturezrevenge Sucky bad movie with some extra-tasty bio-mechanics and gore hidden within all the shit. 4 stars
8/01/03 Jake I wonder what Janet Lee thinks of this one? "It was nice hunny ..." 2 stars
7/04/03 T3 Jamie Lee ok in my book no matter what see it was ok once. 3 stars
4/27/03 Andrew Carden Curtis Is Amazing, The Effects Are Great, and Direction Super. What's Wrong? It's Silly.... 3 stars
3/01/03 Jack Sommersby Energetic direction can't save a piss-poor screenplay. Abysmally acted. 1 stars
3/01/03 Richard Castillo A dry and stupid movie, but somewhat a bit more thrilling than most "Alien" rip-offs 3 stars
1/28/03 The Aussie Film Reviewer The most imcompetent sci-fi flick since Corman's last. 1 stars
12/14/02 Zefram Mann Might have been worth it if we saw Jamie Lee's tits. 2 stars
10/28/02 trent crapness 1 stars
10/17/02 infected by ass totally a waste of my money...damn you people for releasing this buttload on film 1 stars
8/14/02 snowconehead it wasn't "that" bad 3 stars
5/12/02 Doc Holiday complete diarrhoea 1 stars
5/12/02 Charles Tatum Good effects, bad people. 2 stars
1/06/02 Jake Joanna Pacula was good but Jamie Lee! and William Baldwin were making me laugh out loud. 2 stars
8/19/01 Karl damn................damn damn damn 2 stars
8/07/01 Joe Zappa Just how many "Alien" rip-offs are there, with the same plot and a waste of good actors? 1 stars
6/24/01 Senor Pescolido Film can not get more laughable and ridiculous. 1 stars
6/05/01 Super Nintendo Chalmers Goddam stupid... wasted my money on that armpit... What a shame 1 stars
5/29/01 jim dickless this movie sucks rotten ass 1 stars
5/19/01 Thrillhouse science-fiction for morons 1 stars
3/30/01 Rampage this was worse than watching a episode of The Outer Limits 1 stars
3/22/01 Sthenno What the hell is this?Ripoff of Dead Calm,Hardware,Alien &Terminator & still is laughable. 2 stars
3/10/01 Jake So bad it made Outbreak look good 1 stars
12/23/00 Kook Never seen worse. Seriously. 1 stars
11/14/00 Terrie Smith It took five countries to co-produce this mess; defintely wasn't worth the effort. 1 stars
9/23/00 Jacques Strap piece of phat shit 1 stars
9/12/00 Ground Zero Goddam stupid... wasted my money on that armpit... A total annoyance. 1 stars
8/26/00 Stuntman I've seen better on The X-Files 1 stars
7/23/00 Digitalus worst sci-fi flick I've seen 1 stars
6/27/00 Mr. Zyklon Really bad. Boring. Not enough nudity. 1 stars
6/13/00 PJ PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
6/12/00 Dimlight Lets play spot the rip-off 1 stars
5/29/00 Cooke This movie had it's high's and low's. 3 stars
5/07/00 Klute. There has never been a worse film. Ever. In history. Someone need to be fired after this. 1 stars
4/26/00 Pansy Whoever directed this movie is a no-skill llama! 1 stars
3/01/00 Heather This movie was so bad! My friends and I mocked it for weeks after seeing it. 1 stars
2/22/00 Mr. Kramitall Damn you and your movie. Bitchslap that Jamie Lee! 1 stars
10/03/99 Joe Schmoe friggin' crap 1 stars
5/10/99 Ah Dooey Sci-fi/horror movies need a bit of originality and integrity. 1 stars
3/10/99 Oggy This sucks and so does the site. 1 stars
3/06/99 Mike Rotch Terrible in every aspect. Jamie Lee and Sutherland were awful. 1 stars
1/26/99 Fredd This movie sucked ass large! 1 stars
1/23/99 Goofaloo Truly awful in every respect. No redeeming features. 1 stars
1/22/99 TB If only it there could be a rating lower than "sucks all ass"... yes... a lower rating!!!!! 1 stars
1/21/99 Angus this film has one saving grace its fun to make fun Of and discuss plot holes afterwards. 2 stars
1/20/99 Jason Stein Special Fx made it somewhat average 3 stars
1/20/99 LT A Howler. I wish I'd had a virus so I could've at least distracted myself with the pain. 1 stars
1/19/99 Odd Pieman Halfway through this movie I stuck my thumb up my own ass to entertain myself. 1 stars
1/17/99 Dave B. One notch above last year's excreable DEEP RISING ,which isn't saying a whole lot. 2 stars
1/12/99 Doobie Boy Sutherland is laughably awful in this. The script is abominable. Overall, total dud. 1 stars
1/12/99 Doug Dogg yeah i got a virus for you, a shitty movie virus, called VIRUS!!!!!! 1 stars
1/01/99 Binky The first movie I ever walked out of. Completely hopeless. 1 stars
12/31/98 JDC SciFi/Horror needs a new direction. I'm sick of seeing Alien over and over with a new name 1 stars
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  08-Jan-1999 (R)
  DVD: 17-Aug-1999



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