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Overall Rating

Awesome: 6.98%
Worth A Look: 23.26%
Pretty Bad: 23.26%
Total Crap: 17.44%

5 reviews, 56 user ratings

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Scorpion King, The
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by EricDSnider

"Next, The Scorpion King will star as The Rock."
2 stars

The question isn't whether "The Scorpion King" is bad, because of course it is. The question is whether it's the enjoyable kind of bad, or the tedious kind. For me, it's the latter.

There are battles, yes, but most of the hand-to-hand combat suspiciously resembles the sort of thing you see in professional wrestling -- which you can watch for free, and in the comfort of your own home. There are no witty lines of dialogue or interesting plot twists; instead, everything occurs in a depressingly predictable manner, with no imagination or style. In the genre of movies about swarthy men killing each other, it is passable.

Wrestling star Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson plays the Scorpion King, who at this point in his career is merely a hired assassin named Mathayus. At some point, he will become the Scorpion King -- and evil, too, you will recall -- and torment Brendan Fraser in "The Mummy Returns."

Anyway, for now, he has been hired to kill an evil king named Memnon (Steven Brand). When Memnon kills his brother, that makes it personal. Mathayus is saddled with a comedic sidekick (Grant Heslov) who, it probably goes without saying, is not funny. The two of them head for Memnon's camp, meanwhile meeting up with Memnon's sorceress, Cassandra (Kelly Hu), who is hot indeed.

There's also a rival of Mathayus who becomes his ally. His name is Balthazar, he is played by Michael Clarke Duncan, and he looks like he has caterpillars glued to his face. Perhaps this was a coming-of-age ritual in those days.

The Rock is a surprisingly bad actor, even in a role that doesn't require much acting. He never looks like a man who is angry, surprised, determined, or whatever. He looks like a man who is PRETENDING to be angry, surprised, etc. Even his facial expressions ring false; his actual dialogue sounds even faker.

It's an unbelievably stupid film, though occasionally fun enough to make you forget its absurdity. So intent is it on being a generic action film that someone in it actually invents gunpowder, just to ensure there's an explosion. What would a summer blockbuster be without stuff blowin' up?

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originally posted: 04/20/02 03:20:44
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User Comments

5/08/20 morris campbell fun but nothing special 3 stars
5/20/12 Sheryl Granholm A perfect example of how to overburden what could be a decent film with unnecessary CGI. 1 stars
5/15/11 stephen nettles Actually good 4 stars
12/26/09 Jeff Wilder Perfect example of the words "big budget nothing". 2 stars
9/03/08 Shaun Wallner Intense Action!!! 5 stars
2/04/08 Pamela White watch just to see the Rock's muscles 3 stars
8/02/06 dan watever you do keep away from this film. 1 stars
7/22/06 Business Hello! 1 stars
7/22/06 Dating Hello! 3 stars
8/18/05 ES and you thought the mummy and conan the destroyer were bad 2 stars
6/09/05 Amber Morton I hate this movie, it is really stupid i hate it i hate it i hate it dont ever watch it. 1 stars
4/13/05 Quigley a crap-fest from a bored director with the Rock as moronic and lame as ever. bull-crap! 1 stars
10/02/04 R.W. Welch Passable action fantasy: The Rock is convincing enough. Leave your brain at home. 3 stars
8/27/04 American Slasher Goddess Predictable and bland 2 stars
8/03/04 Anthony G fuck this movie 1 stars
2/24/04 Keith Fun, entertaining, and good eye candy 4 stars
12/11/03 john could have been even worse but it's bad enough - pass! 2 stars
9/21/03 CAT BLUES i hated it! it fuckin sucked it also scared me...but thats not the point! 1 stars
6/02/03 Sorceress I found it to be entertaining, and the Rock looked really good to me... ;) 5 stars
5/02/03 JL Pretty cool actually, entertaining enough. 4 stars
4/19/03 Ubu the Ripper Much more enjoyable than the other two "Mummy" movies. Worth a sequel. 4 stars
10/20/02 Vinay K What the heck. My kid liked it and wants a sword now. I, surprisingly sat thru. the movie. 4 stars
10/19/02 tj cool 5 stars
10/09/02 Zaharin Hamid aka The Movie Samseng Childish and predictable, but still worth a look. Don't forget to switch off your brain! 4 stars
10/06/02 Butterbean The Rock looks yummy here. Theres good action, but the story is a bore. 3 stars
10/02/02 John McNew A twinkie of a movie 4 stars
9/24/02 syrius bad script, bad ending fight scene, hot girl, awesome action, balances out 3 stars
7/19/02 Cat an entertaining film should have been developed further a bit corny but funny 4 stars
7/19/02 stryper rocks sanitized sword & sandal - - lots of slayings with no blood & gore 3 stars
7/11/02 Sheila Evans Generic sword&sorcery from days of yore - nothing less, nothing more. 3 stars
6/19/02 Oscar Though not an award winner, its awesomely entertaining 5 stars
6/12/02 Eloise gives u that Xena, Hercules feeling and has silly lines, 'i've come for the woman', etc. 3 stars
5/30/02 JesseL A movie designed for boys between the ages of 8 and 16, and they loved it. 4 stars
5/13/02 J Once again I'm in agreement with D.F.E on a film. 4 stars
5/11/02 Veronica Foxx (The Raven-Haired Temptress) Not only is The Scorpion King not worth admission, you should get $8.50 to sit through it. 1 stars
5/10/02 malcolm non-white actors in all major roles -- cool. about what i expected. 3 stars
5/10/02 Left Nut The chick is hot. Try to sneak in, not worth the price of admission. 4 stars
4/26/02 othree I hate to call a fantasy/action movie flawless, but it was! The Rock deserves all Props! 4 stars
4/26/02 Melissa in NYC This is the worst movie I've seen this year!! Blatantly rips off other great movies - ACK!! 1 stars
4/25/02 Leon Trotsky Sound and fury, signifying nothing. 2 stars
4/25/02 Tri it kicks ass 5 stars
4/25/02 Andrew Good Stuff! Mindless Action, Worth seeing, Rock is cool, Kelly Hu is Awesome 4 stars
4/25/02 Mister Char it wasn't that bad, i enjoyed the acting style of the rock 3 stars
4/25/02 Brian Kissinger I went in expecting little, and was pleasantly surprised. Not great, but better than expect 3 stars
4/25/02 Janx Complete Hollywood bullshit. Stupid action sequences, many ripped off from other movies 1 stars
4/23/02 IP Freely I would have given this flick 5 stars if Kelly Hu was naked, she is extremely hot 2 stars
4/23/02 KMG I didn't know the Akkadians were hairless! WOW! 2 stars
4/22/02 Rock Climber Celluliod diarrhea, a 1st-grade play has better acting, calling it 'shit' is a compliment 1 stars
4/22/02 Ziggy Stardust at times i felt like i was watching a dumb highschool student film with an overblown budget 1 stars
4/21/02 Unanon Go with low expectations and you'll be amused. Too many rips from other movies to count... 2 stars
4/21/02 Fizamajig Good. lame in parts, 4 stars
4/21/02 hi its like xena warrior princess but shitty and the jokes are even worse 1 stars
4/20/02 Dom Corleone Not bad - not good either 3 stars
4/20/02 Dorkus I'm 13 and I love you think I have a boner for this movie? 1 stars
4/15/02 steve watched the film again this time sober, wow what a load of crap! 1 stars
4/09/02 steve dont like the rock but man you do not want to miss this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
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  19-Apr-2002 (PG-13)
  DVD: 29-Nov-2005



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