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Overall Rating

Awesome: 17.46%
Worth A Look: 15.87%
Average: 7.94%
Pretty Bad: 19.05%
Total Crap39.68%

3 reviews, 45 user ratings

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Sweetest Thing, The
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by Scott Weinberg

"Noxious offspring of 'There's Something About Mary' and 'Sex & the City'"
1 stars

Men, hang around with your female friends long enough and you'll inevitably hear them mention how "women are SO much raunchier than men; they just do it more discretely". As someone who's known his fair share of "candid females", I'd generally agree with that sentiment. With Cameron Diaz's wretched The Sweetest Thing, women are now officially as perverted as men. Congratulations.

It was inevitable that women would want to get in on the "fun" of the modern cinematic trend of "laughs via gag reflex". In movies like Tomcats, American Pie, Scary Movie and Van Wilder, most of the sperm-eating and fecal baths have been enjoyed by men. The Sweetest Thing represents a truly astonishing backhanded leap forward in 'gender equality'.

That The Sweetest Thing features three very charming actresses is more bad news than good, in that the trio repeatedly do everything under the sun to make themselves as disgusting as possible. The usually very lovable Cameron Diaz mugs and struts her way through a non-role as an infamous sex-fueled "player", while Christine Applegate and Selma Blair play her best gal pals, one slutty and the also slutty. (But she is a brunette, while the other two are blonde.)

If this ungainly series of disconnected raunch gags actually contained the pretense of a plot, I suppose it would be this:

Blonde girl meets a boy she likes and drives upstate to see him at his brother's wedding.

If that synopsis seems like it could be written by someone who hasn't even seen the film, blame the wretched screenplay, not me. The ads label The Sweetest Thing as a road-comedy, although the traveling portion of the movie only covers 30 minutes at best. Acts 1 and 3 are comprised of nothing more than a hoary collection of labored sex gags, each one shocking in its depraved stupidity moreso than their actual humor.

-One of our classy young ladies gets "stuck" while orally pleasuring a guy, and this scene is such a blatant ripoff of the zipper gag in There's Something About Mary, I'd recommend a lawsuit.

-On their way to the wedding, Diaz and Applegate discover some maggot-infested leftovers on the floor of the car. They toss it out the window, it flies way overhead and somehow splatters onto their windshield. If I follow the rules of modern comedy accurately, that gag is funny because maggots are involved. On the way home, Diaz sticks her face in Applegate's crotch (while both are logically clad in nothing but underwear) and waggles her butt in the air. Hilarity ensues as a biker pulls up and assumes that oral sex is afoot. (Again, Diaz made 15 million dollars for this movie.)

-After being forced to squat over a filthy urinal, Applegate is tickled to death when Diaz discovers the hidden treasures of a rest stop "glory hole". I may know nothing about Hollywood, but I always figured that once you made over 15 million bucks a movie, you had a 'get out of jail free' card on all those "dick in the eye" jokes.

As a big fan of both Cameron Diaz (Charlie's Angels) and Christina Applegate (The Big Hit), I was more depressed by their efforts than anything. (Applegate earns the movie sole laugh when she offers a cute riff on Julia Roberts.) Personable actors like Thomas Jane (Deep Blue Sea) and Jason Bateman (Necessary Roughness) try hard to add some life to the proceedings, with very few positive results. Selma Blair (Legally Blonde) is saddled with a humiliating role, and the stellar Parker Posey (Dazed & Confused) is absolutely wasted in a role that could have been played by any stray extra.

I'm certainly not saying that women filmmakers and actors couldn't produce a damn funny sex comedy. With performers like Diaz, Applegate and Blair, this one certainly started out on the right foot. Unfortunately, the trio offer more charm and effort than this turgid screenplay deserves. (This collection of dick jokes masquerading as a script was written by former South Park scribe Nancy Pimental, and the fact that she got 2 million smackers for this slop is simply too horrifying to focus on.)

Director Roger Kumble (Cruel Intentions) does nobody any favors, setting the film with a stutter-stop pace and a thoroughly bland visual sense. What's most disturbing is that most criticisms of this painfully bad movie will probably be dismissed as simple "chick-flick bashing by men who have no clue". But I can't see how any intelligent woman could somehow consider this dreck a compliment to their gender.

If the best a reviewer can come up with is to point out four or five wretched gags and call that a review, odds are that the movie at hand is a flimsy non-film, a hastily contrived series of "shock" gags, musical montages and end-credit blooper sequences that reeks of a hasty production and some piss-poor editing. I expected this one to be nothing more than entertaining piffle and was stunned when I saw one of the worst movies of the year.

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originally posted: 04/28/02 18:05:44
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User Comments

12/17/09 Nora These talented actresses debased themselves for nothing 1 stars
7/23/09 K. Glass A raunchy, rollicking comedy that garners, at the very least, covered-up snickers from all 5 stars
3/07/08 kiwi Absolute arse, the "penis song"... must be top 10 in the worst movie moments of all time. 1 stars
5/02/07 Tanith It is so funny and is a good learning lesson too. 5 stars
2/18/07 PrinceofMars The flick is crappy but I'd die for Christina anyway. 2 stars
2/05/07 lee This is what happens when women try to be funny. Worst movie ever! 1 stars
7/10/06 William Goss Despite the cast's genuine chemistry, the film lacks sincere laughs. 2 stars
1/02/06 cody hey it ok romantic comedy flick with sexy chicks, but it kind corny and had silly ending 3 stars
12/01/05 SG72 I just about peed my pants laughing! 5 stars
11/27/04 Jim Amusing nonsense. Applegate deserves to be a much bigger star. 3 stars
12/08/03 lilcutie funny as hell 5 stars
9/17/03 Ashley Corpening How do you know, pj? Most names before yours look pretty gender-neutral. 5 stars
6/03/03 Virgil I wasted 84 minutes watching this shit 1 stars
5/31/03 J. Sladen This movie was so bad, I left 5 minutes into it. 1 stars
5/12/03 Jack Bourbon I liked it, maybe because of the ass-slappable cooze who got the cock stuck in her throat. 4 stars
4/13/03 Jack Sommersby Pretty desperate stuff. Not as bad as reported, but far from recommendable. 2 stars
3/23/03 pj oh my, but all the awesomes are by girls and all the sucks by boys...? 3 stars
3/21/03 May Q. Horney Best unabashed comedy since DUMB AND DUMBER. 5 stars
3/15/03 The spam handler Oh my no. Not right. 2 stars
3/10/03 PRS Sorry, but this had me cracking up the entire time. A fun, mindless movie. LOVED APPLEGATE 5 stars
3/07/03 Taylor Fladgate :( 1 stars
2/27/03 sean don't take it seriuously, and you might like it. 3 stars
2/20/03 Dave Crap, apart from the hilarious 'penis' song. 2 stars
12/30/02 Zaharin Hamid aka The Movie Samseng I switched off my brain and still found nothing to laugh at. Stick to "Sex and the City". 1 stars
10/09/02 Blubberbot boring 1 stars
10/07/02 Colin Selby a waste of my time and everybody elses 1 stars
10/03/02 jessica A GREAT MOVIE 5 stars
9/15/02 Bob Brimson I'd rather suck a tramps pants than watch this again. 1 stars
9/12/02 Uncle Salty See It Alone, Then Kill Yourself 1 stars
9/12/02 laron chapman funnier than theres something about mary. 5 stars
9/10/02 John McNew The feminine rendition of 'Slackers', Oh boy... 1 stars
9/03/02 Girl 9 Sweet it is NOT. Just plain ridiculous. 1 stars
9/03/02 seldom scene why do you guys hate this so much? it is very funny! 5 stars
8/28/02 viking funny as a hole in your head 1 stars
8/28/02 Boris Savc Diaz great. movie not so 3 stars
7/21/02 Peter Brook Why oh why is the divine Cameron in the middle of this glop? 1 stars
6/13/02 Edith the Maid and Meredith the Mermaid Falters, but in long run Cameron Diaz pulls out a decent raunchy romp.(beats VANILLA SKY!) 4 stars
5/11/02 Veronica Foxx (The Raven-Haired Temptress) I, too am offended that this is a gross out chickflick. As a chick, this horseshit stinks! 1 stars
4/30/02 wintermute I walked out after 40 mins. I am offended any studio thought i might want to watch this. 1 stars
4/17/02 Boogie Fleener Selma Blair should have been the star...of a different, superior movie altogether. Annoying 2 stars
4/16/02 zak don't waste your money 1 stars
4/16/02 kelvin torres one of the best comedy i've ever since 5 stars
4/16/02 Jake Utter crap. 1 stars
4/14/02 Banky Edwards Pretty Funny! Better than I expected, good gross out - funny jokes and hot hot women!!!!!! 4 stars
4/13/02 Lauren Diaz and Applegate have GREAT onscreen chemistry, but it is Applegate who steals the show 4 stars
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  12-Apr-2002 (R)



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