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Armageddon

Reviewed By Chris Parry
Posted 08/26/98 15:01:14

"Not as painful as it could have been, but not worthy of my time."
2 stars (Pretty Bad)

Bruce Willis has no talent and less hair. Owen Wilson has a stupid mouth. Buscemi has no dignity. Liv Tyler has blow job lips and no talent.

And then there's Affleck, slumming it to pay the bills.

I actually didn't hate Armageddon as much as I figured I would, despite it's no acting, non-believable plotline and kindergarten take on science. Maybe because I snuck in to the theatre and thus didn't feel ripped off. Maybe it just wasn't as bad as I have grown to expect Bruce Willis films to be.

Maybe I'm going soft in my old age.

Either way, big rock hitting earth stories are passe. This one tries to add a twist, however improbable that twist may be (landing a drill team on the rock with space shuttles, to drill a hole and pack it with a nuke).

It's ID4 with no aliens, it's Deep Impact without the nagging doubts over whether Tea Leoni owns her teeth, it's Giant without class, it's Empire Records without a Joey lookalike.

It's not gonna hurt ya, but it ain't gonna help ya.

My big two questions are these....

How long can Liv Tyler ride the wave of celebrity for being related to a celebrity, and why, when hundreds of millions of dollars are spent on effects, don't they spend a half mill on some real script development?

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