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Overall Rating
2.19

Awesome: 5.17%
Worth A Look: 3.45%
Average: 15.52%
Pretty Bad56.9%
Total Crap: 18.97%

4 reviews, 34 user ratings


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Tuxedo, The
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by Chris Parry

"Jennifer Love Hewitt is FANTASTIC (to look at, but her acting stinks)."
2 stars

Jackie Chan has got it all wrong. Having made literally hundreds of films in Hong Kong over his career, most of which put Hollywod's best action material to shame, he's clearly decided that he should adapt to Hollywood. The reality is that, had Chan decided to force Hollywood to adapt to himself, we might be experiencing some of the greatest action movies of all time, combining big budget with big talent. Alas, instead we're stuck with the same old lame, CGI-heavy goofball comedies we've been watching for years, where we we're not expected to laugh at what Chan does, but rather at the fact that he's Asian and talks funny. Cue me a bucket.

So Chan is the worst taxi driver in New York City, which apparently makes him the ideal pick to drive around a superspy with a billion dollar high tech tuxedo that gives the wearer super powers. If you're still thinking that this premise sounds in any way realistic, check yourself into the Betty Ford at the earliest possible opportunity.

So superspy dies (almost, test screening audiences have a habit of bringint these guys back) and gives his new friend the tux, along with some gargled last words that are supposed to help him stop a spring water company from poisoning the world's water supply. Yes, that's right, it's all about selling more bottled water.

What it's really about is ridiculous action sequences, unnecessary special effects and Jennifer Love Hewitt's rather large, gravitationally impossible breasts. Hey, don't get me wrong, I'd probably fork out three bucks to sit in a theater and watch them bounce on the screen in extreme close-up for ninety minutes, but when I have to endure Hewitt's attempts at comedy while that's happening, suddenly it becomes less of an attractive way to waste an afternoon. What starts out as a pleasant, if stupid, Jackie Chan movie soon becomes an unpleasant, horrendously stupid, demonstration of why women who look just unbelievably gorgeous should be called models, not actresses.

Add to the mix a director that seems to have fallen off the music video reject truck and what you've got is an action movie without much action, using special effects in place of Jackie Chan's natural fighting abilities, featuring a co-star doing comedy when she's never been accused of doing anything funny in her life (except those albums she puts out now and then - they're hilarious).

Let me make this clear - The Tuxedo is not the worst film I've seen this year, nor is it even the worst Jackie Chan film I've seen in a couple of summers, but every time you start to feel like maybe you could get into things and have a good time with The Tuxedo, something impossible happens and all that goodwill comes crashing down. And when nothing impossible is happening, Jennifer Love Hewitt starts yelling and whining and you just throw your figurative hands in the air and zone out.

Finally, why is it that Jackie Chan movies made in the USA never feature jokes at the expense of white guys? Or black guys, for that matter. Why can Chris Tucker talk about how Asian men are never more than four feet tall, but you never hear anything from Chan about malt liquor in return? Why can Mel Gibson say "flied lice" in Lethal Weapon 4, but none of the asian characters ever makes a joke about him? I'll tell you why - because Jackie Chan and his ilk don't realize that they've been paid handsomely to become the world's biggest racist joke. More's the pity. Chan could have been the one that opened Asia up to a new audience, but instead he's opened it up to ridicule.

link directly to this review at https://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=6153&reviewer=1
originally posted: 10/01/02 09:11:24
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User Comments

3/20/10 the dork knight Someone explain to me how Chan and Hewitt are a believable couple. 2 stars
3/18/09 Josie Cotton is a goddess There should be a limit to the amount of tit-jokes that you can put into a movie 2 stars
2/02/09 CTT A half way entertaining mess 3 stars
5/28/08 PAUL SHORTT THIS ILL FITTING TUXEDO IS STRICTLY OFF-THE-RACK 1 stars
2/11/08 Pamela White not Jackie's best 2 stars
2/22/07 johnnyfog There are better movies with Hewitt's tits, you fucktards. Horrible movie! 1 stars
1/25/06 LP Quagmire Best action movie of the year! Hewitt and Chan make an adorable screen couple! 5 stars
10/21/05 Cheryl Mayfield Pretty crappy,but hearin JenniferLoveHewitt say she's a little bit constipated was worth it 2 stars
8/13/05 ES I was on set while they filmed the party scene, a good night, not a good movie 2 stars
7/28/05 Quigley a waste of time. one oft he worst films made yet. chan is now destoying his career. sick! 1 stars
1/24/05 keithers.. Chans golden days are looong gone 2 stars
3/25/04 Whatevr I'm still gagging on this movie 1 stars
2/29/04 Norman L.O. Saw this in theaters, fuck me it was bad! 1 stars
12/09/03 Jiz Started OK, until JLH opened her mouth, then the plot went to shit and so did the movie. 2 stars
6/22/03 John Aster Habig unless its Indiana Jones it ain't a good action flick if you MUST see Chan see Rush Hour 1 stars
4/15/03 Sébastien Langlois I have much like this movie and Jennifer Love-Hewit is my best actres, I the much like... 5 stars
3/06/03 bob leather jacket Good fight scenes, Jennifer Love Hewitt was pleasant to watch 4 stars
2/04/03 Goofy Maxwell a.k.a. Snoop Doug E. Doug She's my bizzle fo shizzle & he's the rizzle dizzle but he ain't no nizzle. Pizzle. }> 3 stars
1/01/03 Cheryl Mayfield Pretty crappy, but hearing Jennifer Love Hewitt say she's a little constipated was worth it 2 stars
1/01/03 Jenna Furr Hero babysits an Ashley Judd clone; villain gives a mermaid an enema. 2 stars
12/29/02 zephyrrider It was absolutely a great laugh. I enjoyed it so much I'm going to watch it again 4 stars
12/28/02 aiken drum I like Jackie Chan, but this movie sucked ass 1 stars
11/24/02 Joe Zappa Sophomoric, dumb, with scattered laughs...and HOT Jennifer Love Hewitt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 2 stars
10/16/02 Angry Black Man JLH is the worst actress since J-LO. A big doo doo fest! 1 stars
10/13/02 Busby Berkeley and Fred Astaire Either the camera dances or Jackie does. Both at the same time, no can do. 2 stars
10/06/02 jessica A GREAT FILM 5 stars
10/02/02 Roy Smith Chan IS a special effect, nothing else was needed. JLH wore too much clothing. Sad. 2 stars
10/01/02 Shizzlenit JLH should be pussy-smacked...by my balls! This movie blows. JLH is one fine whore, though 1 stars
10/01/02 Jake what a disgrace! 1 stars
9/29/02 MyztiQ good for a laugh 3 stars
9/29/02 Uncle Salty Who told JLH she should do movies wearing clothes? Matrix-Fu wanna be. 1 stars
9/28/02 Rey LaRaza I agree. Jackie Chan's natural talents are wasted in CGI and rope tricks, it's heresy. 2 stars
9/28/02 Chancey Sugarpants Chan sucks least but he's not that good b/c he's out of his element. JLH should be slapped 2 stars
9/28/02 syrius Jackie Chan shouldn'tve done this after what happened to "The One", and this was even worst 2 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  27-Sep-2002 (PG-13)

UK
  N/A

Australia
  26-Dec-2002




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