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Overall Rating
2.36

Awesome: 27.27%
Worth A Look: 9.09%
Average: 0%
Pretty Bad: 0%
Total Crap63.64%

1 review, 5 user ratings


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Cold Sweat (1994)
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by Chris Parry

"Shannon Tweed having sex with three different guys? The hell you say."
1 stars

So far as Shannon Tweed movies go, this is a pretty bad Shannon Tweed movie. Granted, there’s a whole lot of nudity for little or no reason, but if we want to look at nudity with absolutely no storyline at all, wouldn’t we just go look at a porno?

So Cold Sweat deals with a family man (Ben Cross) who engages in a little sideline work as a hitman, only the ghost of his last victim won’t leave him alone. When he’s in the bedroom trying to slide the love-rocket into the good lady wife, he keeps hearing snickering behind him and there she is – the ghost woman. Sounds like grounds for a decent situation comedy? I thought so too, but we have to get Shannon Tweed in there somehow so she can take her clothes off and that kind of thing doesn’t play in the sitcom world.

So how do we get Shannon Tweed into the picture? Okay, let’s introduce a pair of business partners. One (Dave Thomas, one half of the legendary Canadian comedy pairing Bob and Doug McKenzie) is a right bastard. The other (Henry Czerny) is a smug bastard. One wants to kill the other so the ailing business will get a big insurance pay-out, the other is schtupping the first’s wife (the aforementioned Tweed), she’s in turn schtupping everyone – including the local drug dealer (Adam Baldwin) – and somewhere in amongst all of this we’re supposed to care that the hitman can’t get it up without a ghost taking the piss?

Good grief. On the upside, Shannon Tweed has nice cans. In fact, that could have been the tagline of the film – “Who cares if it makes any sense, Shannon Tweed has nice cans and we’ll show a good three minutes of them.”

Ben Cross, as the lead male character (according to the order of credits) is atrociously bad. Twelve years prior to this he’d burst onto the scene in the multiple Oscar Award winning Chariots of Fire, but a healthy diet of garbage films and TV movies ever since has clearly caused him to forget anything he once knew about the art of acting. As bad as Cross is, he’s nothing compared to Maria Del Mar, playing his wife. If she were any more wooden, a large French Canadian named Jacques would saw her into planks and float her down a river. If she were anymore cardboard you could carry around a six pack inside her. If she was any less life-like, she’d be Freddie Prinze Jr.

The real question here is why Adam Baldwin, who isn’t rich and famous but has at least been in more than a few decent films (Ordinary People, Full Metal Jacket, Predator 2), would opt to be included in an obvious skin-flick like this. Surely cocaine isn’t that expensive that any movie, no matter how bad, is worth appearing in just for a few grand on the table? Ditto Dave Thomas. How could the man who was one half of Strange Brew suddenly find himself reading a script as dire this one?

The plot makes little sense, the characters just barely have any involvement with the hitman character, even though he’s supposed to be the focus of the film and it’s especially hard to relate to anyone at all seeing as they’re all bastards and whores and witless housewives and ghosts. Any time the story starts to get going, we get a cutaway to Shannon Tweed getting naked (no complaints, but there’s not real reason to this 90% of the time) and some of the sex scenes are just plain weird. For example, when Tweed and Baldwin sneak off for a little nasty on the side, they don’t have crazy monkey sex, they smear each other in glow in the dark paint and writhe under a black light.

The ghost (children’s TV voiceover artist Lenore Vann) doesn’t offer any real point at all other than to laugh when the hitman is having sex. Anytime she shows up she seems less intent on harming the guy that killed her and more interested in having it off with him. Hey, I’m all for the supernatural coming back and giving folks a little spiritual release but can’t they do it with a little more conviction than just laying on a bed in the nude and leaving when things get interesting?

Directed by Gail Harvey, a stills photographer on Murder at 1600 and the Olsen Twins TV movie It Takes Two, it’s pretty clear that nobody involved in this production gave much of a damn about anything other than ensuring Shannon Tweed’s backside was in perfect focus.

It’s unmistakable – if Shannon Tweed is in the movie you’re watching, she will get naked and generally that’s all there is to the movie. But just as some of us don’t mind reading the articles in Playboy after perusing the centerfold, so too we don’t mind there being a story to keep the naked Tweed footage interesting.

Despite having a solid B-list cast, Cold Sweat couldn’t be any thinner on content if it were titled “Great Supermodel Minds of the 20th Century,” or “Jonathan Lipnicki: My Life So Far.”

link directly to this review at https://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=6163&reviewer=1
originally posted: 09/23/02 07:49:45
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User Comments

4/02/09 john disouza great 5 stars
5/18/08 Joey I thought it was supposed to be funny! 5 stars
3/20/04 yok var 1 stars
12/20/02 Kathy Peace For a skin flick - it was pretty good. Henry Czerny has the best of the dialogue. 4 stars
12/18/02 anggoro very wonderful 5 stars
IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS FILM, RATE IT!
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USA
  06-Apr-1994 (R)

UK
  N/A

Australia
  02-Feb-1994 (R)


Directed by
  Gail Harvey

Written by
  Richard Beattie

Cast
  Shannon Tweed
  Ben Cross
  Dave Thomas
  Henry Czerny
  Adam Baldwin
  Lenore Zann
  Maria Del Mar



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