Transporter, The

Reviewed By Thom
Posted 10/14/02 06:48:07

"One long car chase"
3 stars (Average)

La Femme Nikita was excellent because it had a STORY. There was pathos and drama. Besson had his guts ripped out somewhere in the process of birthing The Transporter, a child with XXY chromosomes aplenty. Pulls out all the stops and every cliche' in the Action-Adventure How-To for Non-Stop Thrills. At times it is hokey and at times its a fun ride. I am giving it three stars instead of just canning it like all films of this ilk because there are some reedeming qualities. I still wouldn't go see it in a theatre or sit through it on cable, though.

Some stereotypical scenarios, some atrociously bad portrayals of asian gangsters and horrendous acting and some non-descript other bad guys, but Jason Stratham is hot and if it wasn't for his work, this movie would be actually lame instead of mostly lame, as a default condition of movies like this.

And there is one gay character. He’s a gangster. So I guess that makes him a member of the gay mafia. Hair in place, coke up nose, and the sexy, stylish lead is still not putting out.

See, even gay people can be dangerous. Watch out, homophobes. Queer Party boy Michael Alig is in prison for DECAPITATING another club kid and tossing his body into the East River. Andrew Cunanan, the guy who killed Gianni Versace, is gay. Jeffrey Dahmer was gay.


I don’t know where this idea of simpering, quivering, and effeminate came from. Most fags I know are hardly gender inverts. And the ones that are, are fabulous, darling. I guess it’s harder to think of homosexuality as abnormal when the fag is your soccer buddy, or your minister. Luckily, The lesbians are there to coach us how to be real men. And I suppose we are there to teach them how to be real women. Being a man and telling a lesbian you’ll teach her how to be a real woman is like pointing a gun at a cop. When a woman hears those words, what comes next is usually the attempt to put her in her place by raping her.

The Transporeter is Non-stop action and because I was watching Mr. Stratham, I didn’t just throw it away into the action-adventure junk pile. The Transporter, played by Statham, is at least not just a testosterone-drunk meathead. He’s got some complexity. And he’s a little bit super-human. He doesn’t want any trouble, he just delivers the goods. The less information you give him, the less his conscience stays out of the picture.

A trashy movie like this with a sexy lead, dodging bullets and being “sensitive”, sign me up. But I still wouldn’t have paid to see this.

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