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One Woman or Two
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by Chris Parry

"Sigourney Weaver naked. That's really the only good thing I can say."
1 stars

Let’s get it out of the way early on – this movie is a dead set stinker – BUT it does feature significant Sigourney Weaver nudity of a gratuitous nature. That’s about all it features, as this is perhaps the worst directed feature film you’ll ever see featuring a bankable A-list starlet.

Gerard Depardieu is an archeologist who has just discovered the bones of the earliest known French woman. He’s all ecstatic and claiming that this is the greatest discovery since condoms that feature ribs ‘for her pleasure’. So when Monsieur Frog goes to pick up a rich American woman (played by Dr Ruth Westheimer – no, I’m not kidding) from the airport with a view to having her fund further digs, a mix-up sees a young, attractive ad-woman (Sigourney Weaver) secretly take her place. Hijinks ensue, especially when the ad-woman decides Frenchy’s discovery could sell a lot of perfume.

If the presence of Dr Ruth in a pivotal role doesn’t put you off renting this video, then the first thirty seconds of opening credits, featuring nothing more than stills of people on the side of a mountain behind cheesy early 80’s title graphics, will undoubtedly do the trick. This thing is a nightmare from start to finish. Never funny, never dramatic, never important in any way, shape or form, you quite honestly won’t want to leave it running… until Sigourney starts to take her clothes off.

Yes, we’re talking early Sigourney, before the Aliens put crows feet on her eyes. We’re talking the hot, gorgeous Sigourney that Bill Murray would kill a Sta-Puft Man for. We’re talking the perky, Vogue cover-model Sigourney that will crack more wood than a flock of woodpeckers with sledgehammers glued to their beaks.

Granted, she’s getting it on with Gerard “Fat Frenchman” Depardieu, which isn’t always the most attractive, but trust me, if you make it right through to the end of this dreary, low budget Francais-failure, the final minute of naked Sigourney makes it all worthwhile. Almost.

In reality, it seems that some French producer managed to get up’n’coming hot young thing Weaver to agree to make a French film, somehow convincing her agent that Dr Ruth would be a big drawcard… or something. The plot is full of ridiculous holes and quick fixes, the sub-plots are grade-school stuff and the cast looks terrified that the whole thing will kill their careers.

In the end, whatever convinced Sigourney and her people to sign on the dotted line must have been a good pitch, because this is one TERRIBLE movie made worse by TERRIBLE directing and the TERRIBLE acting of Dr Ruth. A nice pair of boobies can only make up for so much.

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originally posted: 10/22/02 14:40:47
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  20-Feb-1987 (PG-13)



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