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Pleasure in Paradise
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by Chris Parry

"I can't imagine how any movie could be less competent."
1 stars

If movies were babies, this one would be stillborn. Yes, I realize that imagery is disgusting, but until you’ve had to suffer through this film and some of the worst acting imaginable by human beings, you’ve got no grounds to tell me what disgusting is.

Oh sure, everyone in the cast is pleasant to look at. And yeah, the story is tame and non-offensive. But let me spell it out for you - I HAVE NEVER SEEN ACTING THIS BAD IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. Seriously, the entire cast should be wiping tables at Denny’s, that’s how good their acting is. I’ve seen salmon that emote better than this crew. I’ve flushed better actors down the toilet after a night of hard drinking and nachos. I could pick peanuts out of poop that, if put in front of the camera, would be less off-putting than the nightmarish cast of Pleasure in Paradise.

Are we beginning to understand now? Are you getting what I’m saying?

Good. So a pair of sisters roll into some lakeside town where some uncle or other has died and left them his bar. The evil yuppie wants to buy it off them, but they suspect he’s a sneaky dude. Before long, the local deputy is harassing them, accidents are happening, but the girls won’t sell – they’ve fallen in love with locals and instead decide to save the bar. How? By having erotic dancers and lingerie models.

Wow, if only every problem in life had a solution as simple as ‘get naked and give lapdances’… Car stolen? No problem, get naked and give a lapdance. Escalating hostilities between the Israeli’s and Palestinians? No problem, just get naked and give lapdances.

Linda Brown and Diane Colton are the ‘actresses’ that are marched out as leads of this softcore non-erotic non-thriller. Brown’s only other screen credit before or after this film was ‘girl in sleeping bag #2’ in Don’t Go Into The Woods… Alone! Perhaps that was the better level for her. As for Colton, even bit parts in sleeping bags seem to have been beyond her as she’s never been on screen in anything other than this total loss of a film.

What were the filmmakers thinking? Were they even thinking? I mean, hey, I love the ladies and perhaps these two are really sweet girls, but they honestly couldn’t act their way out of a wet paper bag. If nobody involved in this production could figure that out ahead of time, then they all deserve to be making ‘emergency procedures’ videos for American Airlines for the rest of their lives.

As bad as it gets. So bad that nobody will even claim credit as the writer.

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originally posted: 11/18/02 16:28:13
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  02-Feb-1992 (R)


  02-Feb-1992 (R)

Directed by
  Boots Rakely

Written by

  Linda Brown
  Diane Colton
  Thom Challice
  John Paul Lorello
  Tom Case
  Eileen Anthony

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