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Love Commune (Ghetto Freaks)
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by The Ultimate Dancing Machine

"'We are the Aquarians...'"
1 stars

Well, that was a waste of time. A bunch of hippies wander around Cleveland(!), take drugs, talk about their "hang-ups," get hassled by the squares...oh, who gives a fuck? You don't give a fuck, do you? You don't visit eFilmCritic to read about stupid movies from 1970 that nobody watched even back then, do you?

Onward, onward.... The plot: there is no plot. Really. It was improvised, at least in good part; lots of boring talk about next to nothing. But you had to be spontaneous back then, man; once you start thinking plot, you're siding with the imperialists.... There's a long scene where a chick takes acid and starts acting like she's about to give birth, but that's not much of a highlight. At the end, some chick--might have been the same one, I don't know--gets shot by drug dealers; then a bad pop song plays, with lyrics dissing the "straights" for killing commies in Vietnam. End credits. 72 minutes long. Yeah, I just blew the ending. I guess you're not gonna see it now, huh?

You know, I really do wander around video stores thinking things like, "Imagine--I will be the ONLY PERSON ON THE NET WITH A REVIEW OF LOVE COMMUNE!" I'm usually right. That's only because normal, healthy-minded people would rather watch the elf movie playing at the Cinemaplex. Normal people watch movies they can talk about by the water cooler at the office on Monday morning. It's professionally useful. You liked Titantic, Smithers? I think we could use a man like you in our organization. Here, shred these documents.... Meanwhile, I--with a smug sense of elitism--habitually turn my back on the blockbusters. I don't follow the crowd--sez I--I have my own tastes, untainted by mass opinion, and I don't care if it won Best Sound at the Oscars. That's how I get stuck with junk like this. And everyone scurries away fast whenever I get close to the water cooler.

Are you still reading this? Look, I'm going to bed. You know, I DID learn that "commune" is pronounced with the stress at the end--it's "comMUNE," not "COMMune" as I've been saying all these years. You learn something every day.

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originally posted: 01/08/03 19:48:55
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1/14/09 Shaun Wallner Very Boring! 1 stars
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  02-Feb-1970 (NR)
  DVD: 02-Nov-2004



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