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Empire of Ash 3

Reviewed By Chris Parry
Posted 01/16/03 12:24:25

"That people willingly put their names to this movie is astounding to me."
1 stars (Total Crap)

William Smith stars in this beyond awful sequel to a couple of movies that stank to begin with and it’s surely a long way from the high point of his existence. Looking like he’s been freshly punched in the nose, Smith’s character is essentially a rip-off of every bad guy from the Mad Max series and not even close to a good one at that. This flick, about a group of folks just trying to get by in a post-virus-apocalyptic wasteland called New Idaho, engaged in battle against a high priest who leads a band of violent morons bent on taking over the nation, just plain sucks.

You know how sometimes when you’re flicking through the channels you come across a public access station where some tool with a home video camera has got three or four of his friends to act in a no-budget horror movie? They’re all running around in the woods, firing blanks at each other while talking with ridiculously over-played accents (“I’sa gonna kill yew, boyee!”), with a story that makes no sense, terrible sound quality and camerawork that looks elementary school standard at best. Every piece of music is bad, every shot is overly staged, the actors all have two line resumes and for some reason everyone in the thing thinks that what they’re appearing in is real quality. It’s laughable stuff, nigh unwatchable and totally ludicrous. Well, that’s the standard here. This is a movie so bad that you don’t so much wonder if the makers had ever made movies before, you wonder if they’ve even bothered watching any.

This is sincerely the lowest kind of action crap I’ve seen in a while. Whereas Mad Max (which was made for less than a million bucks in 1979) featured well-planned stunts, no effects and a good story, this botch job features an awful story, terrible actors and costumes that look like everyone’s armor comes from the BMX store. Hell, there’s even a guy in this thing who wears ring mail armor. Sure, the big bad virus has obliterated 98% of the population and you’re looking for some armor to protect yourself against all the freaks running around with automatic weapons, so you just go and find yourself some 16th century knight armor… yeah, that’s going to happen.

Finding worth in this film is like finding a guy called Weinberg in Riyadh; you'll be looking for a while. Honestly, give a video camera to a homeless guy and let him videotape his crotch for a weekend. Then release the footage as a movie – that’s how much sense Empire of Ash III makes as a feature film.

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