Scare Their Pants Off

Reviewed By The Ultimate Dancing Machine
Posted 03/16/03 17:50:00

"Keep your pants on already"
2 stars (Pretty Bad)

This is a rather bizarrely misguided movie. I'm not certain what segment of the population it was aimed at--maybe people who get off on mild tongue-in-cheek S&M fantasies. If that's you, then go away--you scare me.

Two guys kidnap women and put them through ridiculous fantasy scenarios. One is made to believe she's going to be sacrificed by a pagan god, another is menaced by a pair of wannabe Nazis, etc. The idea is that these guys get turned on by terrifying women; they don't really hurt them, they just screw with their heads for a while. If you think that sounds darkly misogynistic, then you haven't seen the movie, which isn't so much S&M as D&D--it's like an erotic fantasy dreamed up by high school nerds. The movie isn't remotely believable. Trust me, girls, if you find you've been kidnapped by some guy who claims he's just risen from the dead, you're not gonna fall for it.

What's more, the filmmakers aren't even trying for credibility, which strands the movie in a odd limbo between comedy and sex-thriller. It's not funny, it's not terrifying, and it's not sexy. It's not even enjoyably trashy. (Though I did like the bleached-white look of the film--rarely has B&W looked so sleazy.) The whole thing just gets sillier by the minute--when the Nazi finally shows up, it's just the last straw. I have to wonder, again, who on Earth would want to see this thing; it's far from the worst flick I've ever seen, but it doesn't belong to any recognizable genre. Whatever you're looking for, you're probably not going to get it here.

As a side note, the SCARE THEIR PANTS OFF disc (from Something Weird--of course) comes with a bonus film, SATAN'S BED (1965). It stars a young Yoko Ono.

I didn't watch it. There are some things even I can't bear.

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