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Overall Rating

Awesome: 21.69%
Worth A Look35.45%
Average: 17.46%
Pretty Bad: 7.41%
Total Crap: 17.99%

9 reviews, 135 user ratings

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Deep Blue Sea
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by Chris Parry

"Comparisons to Jaws are misplaced. Jaws was worth watching."
1 stars

Renny Harlin couldn't direct traffic. On a one way street. He's not a director's asshole. He's as much a director as Lawrence Bender is a producer. It's all rep and no substance. But hey, at least he's stopped trying to turn old lady Davis into the next Schwarzennegger. Thank God for small mercies. Any movie that begins with a supermodel female scientist slamming her hand on the desk of her boss claiming "you've got to continue funding! People are dying out there!" is the result of too much prozac and not enough script development.

Come on, Hollywood. Can we have just one female world reknowned scientist who isn't under 23 and prone to stripping down to her underwear for a cheap thrill? Can't we have Joan Cusack be a scientist? Or Janeane Garofalo? I could see Judi Dench as a scientist. Or Illeana Douglas. So why is it that the only scientists we seem to have in the world are Elisabeth Shue (The Saint's energy genius), Nicole Kidman (The Pisstaker's.. I mean Peacemaker's nuclear goddess), Mira Sorvino (nobody knows gigantic bugs like award winning Mira) and Jodie Foster ("Hmm, I think I hear my dad calling me from Andromeda, call me a preacher")..?

Who's next? Maybe Kathy Ireland can discover a cure for cancer, or perhaps Jenny McCarthy can figure out where my socks go when they disappear from the washing machine.

"An asteroid is on a crash course with Earth! What will we do?"
"Call Claudia Schiffer, she'll have a plan to save us all!"

In Deep Blue Sea, which could we retitled "Stupid scientist makes sharks smart enough to write poetry", Saffron Burrows (who, credit where it's due, wowed us all with her riveting performance opposite Matthew Lillard and Freddie Prinze Jr in Wing Commander) has an idea that shark brain fluid can cure alzheimer's disease. Her plan is to make sharks brains larger so she can get masses of the stuff and cure pappy. But what happens to a shark's brain when it gets larger? Can you figure it out? Do you need a frickin' roadmap, sparky?

Smart shark = bad people.

Of course, this is plot hole number one. Somehow we can make shark's brains bigger, which makes them smarter. And we do this to get fluid that stops old people getting dumber. Um, Saffron... you might have one too many steps in your plan here. Why not just make crusty old Mr Codger's brain bigger and leave him to solve mysteries of the universe, Hawkins-style? Forget the shark head-fluid altogether, ya great lummox!

So anyhow, Saffy is being all evil and scientific without thinking of the possible problems involved when a shark with the IQ of Einstein. Thomas Jane (who has thankfully progressed from absolute gobshite like The Velocity Of Gary) is the requisite tough guy. Ex con, tough as nails, he likes to frolic with the sharkin's. Of course, the sharkeys would like him as an entree, but he's nimble. That makes him shark-proof aparently.

Then we have the wacky guy who scares easily. Now, if you were casting this film, who would fill that role for you? Let's say it all at the same time.

Michael... Rapaport...

Very good. The former stalker who thought he could pull off "tough" in Palmetto has come back to his roots to play "goof-off". Unfortunately for Rapaport, goofy or tough, he's plain unwatchable. He seems to have made it big despite the fact that nobody likes him. Not even his girlfriends. Go away, Michael. Don't bother me.

Then there's Stellan Skarsgaard. Is it just me or does his surname sound like a piece of hockey equipment? "Chuck me another Skarsgaard, Luc!" Stellan is the unsociable, overweight, chainsmoking scientist (the grunts are always filthbags, it's the award winners who are supermodels) who does evil Saffron's bidding. I'm not giving anything away here when I say he dies, but he dies in a pretty damn cool way. I mean, if you *have* to die in an action movie, you want to die in a way folks remember. Sadly, in a bid to keep this movie from the dreaded R rating, the "head exploding, blood and guts, chunks of gunk splatting everywhere and the front row vomitting on the carpet" death it could have been is avoided. But what is left is pretty frickin' sweet. So enjoy Stellan while he lasts. Cos he doesn't.

Then there's Samuel L. Jackson playing the rich guy who survived an avalanche by eating his wife or some such bullshit. Nobody really knows because it's obvious that in a moment of cloudiness the "not very good with English" director Renny wrote some words down the back of a snotty tissue and said to Sam "read dis". Jackson will appear in anything. You don't even need a script. You doubt me? Call him. Seriously, right now, go call him and say "I'm doing this National Lamopon movie called Giving Them Wood, I want you to play Corey Feldman." Watch him jump at it.

Which leads us to Ice Cube. I mean Ice T. I mean Vanilla Ice. I mean LL Cool J. (Why do all rappers have something about coldness in their handle? Even Tupac left me cold. I kept thinking Sixpac.) LL is the biggest fucking sell-out muthafuckah since Robert Rodriguez started selling Jeans for Tommy Hilfiger. He's the biggest disser of his fanbase since Milli Vanilli mixed up their "Blame It On The Rain" tape with their Tony Robbins "Come Baa With Me" tape, just before a sell-out crowd at the Wilmington MeatDome.

LL hasn't got a dignified bone in his body. Let me list the crimes. 1) Signing on to this crap. 2) Allowing himself to play the cook/preacher/guy with a parrot/token black guy/recovering drunk role. 3) Not only forgetting how to put out hardcore rap but coming out with that hokey as all fuck "My Head Is Like A Shark's Fin" single. No LL, your head is not like a shark's fin. Shark's fins are sharp. Your head is as sharp as a sack of wet mice.

Oh yeah. There's also Jacqueline McKenzie, a fine Australian actress. Playing an American. Umm.. well.. she cries a bit cos the hockey equipment gets eaten. Thanks for coming, Jacq.

The tale that is told here was not one that needed telling. In fact, if someone told it to you in a pub, you'd take their car keys off them. Underwater research facility, sharks go mean, start to beat on the facility til it starts to sink, sharks come in to get human types. Eat some. Chase some. People go nuts.

With some of the worst dialogue to ever come out of the Hollywood hokey machine, some of the dumbest storyline to have ever been funded, one of the worst directors going around today, a cast that seems to know they signed on to total shit and as much camp as Showgirls, this is one movie you could go your entire life without seeing and end up dying smarter as a result. Renny Harlin should be directing Carrot Top. They're a natural. Neither knows what the fuck they are doing.

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originally posted: 11/13/99 14:10:19
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User Comments

10/30/16 morris campbell fun but silly 3 stars
8/14/16 David Hollingsworth It is definitely no 2 stars
2/07/13 Kcaj thrilling fun! 4 stars
7/10/11 Jennifer Barr Excellent movie...i wish they would make a part 2 ! 5 stars
4/29/07 Jackospacko 5.5 out of 10 on IMDB? What the Fuck? It should be 7.1 out of 10 totally 4 stars
4/23/07 David Risser Almost as good as Jaws! 4 stars
2/16/07 Vip Ebriega The underwater killers are a fast-moving 'Jaws'. 3 stars
2/13/07 Anthony Feor A great movie (4.5/5) 4 stars
2/13/07 johnnyfog Funny as shit when Jackson's speech gets cut 1 stars
1/13/07 del A pos review for this and DREAMCATCHER, but a neg for DARK CITY? Rob, get a clue... 1 stars
8/10/06 Dragon The Artist Strictly Jaws wannabe. 2 words&2 words only,POPCORN FLICK!!!! 3 stars
4/22/06 Jack Not as exciting as Jaws but not far of it 4 stars
1/09/06 Gerry Dunne What brainless morons would think we would enjoy this crap? 1 stars
11/25/05 cr fun movie and got few characters l care about ,but it like pump up verison of jaws 3 3 stars
8/13/05 ES Don't think of it as a JAWS rip-off (come on its been 30 years) and its not too bad 4 stars
6/21/05 shinu very good 5 stars
6/14/05 E-FUNK It's hard to find words that describe just how fucking terrible this movie is. Harlin blows 1 stars
5/28/05 tony Great Shark Movie since Jaws! Exellent plot. A KEEPER! great characters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4 stars
2/13/05 Alice Colwell yawn 2 stars
12/13/04 Nick Complete hopeless drivel. Great to watch. Plenty of digital splatter. 1 stars
12/09/04 Kristina Williams they ate me! a fucking shark ate me! 3 stars
9/04/04 Aaron Smith My favorite shark movie. 5 stars
1/28/04 Vicious When i saw it, it was actually not annoying. I just played dumb while i watched it. 2 stars
12/08/03 aman deep sea 3 stars
11/29/03 john far fetched nonsense 1 stars
8/07/03 marc_ian_a Excellent ! (5 stars) :) 5 stars
7/13/03 3man One of the few movies to actually make me jump. SLJ's scene was unexpected. 3 stars
4/24/03 Magical Dragon top flick love it 5 stars
4/02/03 jojo i love filim 5 stars
3/25/03 Jack Sommersby It's pretty passable -- if not really recommendable. 3 stars
2/11/03 Nevz Shallow, too shallow 3 stars
2/04/03 Dragica It's the BEST movie ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 5 stars
2/04/03 Isaac Garza It's baad. 5 stars
1/13/03 Gracy Lionheart Just sit back, relax, and have a blast. 4 stars
9/17/02 Zefram Mann Could've been good if not for some REALLY shitty CGI shots. 3 stars
7/19/02 patricia i loved the way the characters were offed! groovy fun! 4 stars
6/20/02 Dana Sherkawi it's too nice 5 stars
6/13/02 Heather Purplethorne Stellan Skarsgård is best actor in it, so why is he one killed by sharks early on? 1 stars
5/19/02 davey mac holy crap this is so bad it made Godzilla look good. 1 stars
5/15/02 Blake The sharks look very alive in this film. 5 stars
4/24/02 Danielle Ophelia I like my man vs. science movies grittier than this, but its balls were in the right place. 3 stars
3/06/02 Veronica Foxx -The Raven-Haired Temptress Forgive me for becoming a ditzy schoolgirl, but Thomas Jane is rather lovely. Movies good 2 4 stars
3/05/02 Scottish Kilt Jaws is miles better, this is the poor man's Jaws. 2 stars
1/06/02 FGJ180 Unspeakable. One of the worst movies of the '90s. 1 stars
12/06/01 travis prepared to experience stupidity like never before.jed is dumb 1 stars
10/23/01 Tam Mindless, soulless and BORING! My goldfish can act more convincingly than Saffron Burrows! 1 stars
10/08/01 jawsboy fantastic animatronics, shitty CGI. Bad to average acting. ok script, direction,good action 3 stars
9/05/01 Butterbean Better than I thought It would be. You can't say that it's predictable. 4 stars
8/11/01 Jay Hiatt quite possibly the worst movie i've seen in a LONG character development, no plot 1 stars
8/10/01 keith langman ........better than jaws...jed what the hell is your problem 3 stars
8/09/01 E-Funk A Renny Harlin shark movie...I would rather be deep-throated by a shark than watch this. 1 stars
6/22/01 Dave Better than Jaws??!! You gotta be kiddin' me Jed! (Clampett) 2 stars
6/20/01 Bada Bing Crosby Enjoyed it cuz I watched it w/my three nephews, all under 11-they loved it! 4 stars
4/12/01 Jesse L Good escape movie... 4 stars
2/27/01 Monday Morning Not real heavy, but real fun & good adrenaline rush. 3 stars
2/10/01 KyLe*BrOfLoVsKi Renny Harlin should be taken out and shot. Another director, we might have had something. 3 stars
1/14/01 Avenger Girl Another special effects hollywood effort, but watchable. 4 stars
11/03/00 Jed Its slightly better than Jaws. Seriously it is. 4 stars
9/14/00 bison it's a piece. 1 stars
8/31/00 Eat Me! Who are these fucking retards who actually admit to liking this insipid crap? 1 stars
8/30/00 sink or swim Pure adrenaline rush 3 stars
8/08/00 Elvisfan how about the 'shallow and somewhat dull' blue sea? 2 stars
8/06/00 Scoggins Fuck Jaws! That movie ruled, but DBS does too. Scary fx, cool characters, great sets. Yeah! 5 stars
7/14/00 Naushad Khanji Better than overhyped and boring Jaws. 4 stars
5/30/00 danilo well it's not a masterpiece, but it sure was fun 4 stars
5/24/00 jimbob predictable, dumb, and gaping plot holes 1 stars
4/27/00 Kelsey I loved this movie!! They should make a Deep Blue Sea 2 with Thomas Jane and LL Cool J. 5 stars
4/26/00 Jed It almost surpassed jaws. (But not quite) 4 stars
4/09/00 andrew shaw loved it 5 stars
3/25/00 Richard Wright Solid entertainment that doesn't try to be too clever, and supplies the requisite thrills. 3 stars
3/16/00 fire-n-ice damm good kept me on the edge 5 stars
2/21/00 arnold great action 5 stars
2/06/00 Kyle Broflovski Dumb summer fare redeemed by a few interesting twists. Can't touch "Jaws", though. Sorry. 3 stars
1/10/00 Jacqueline Anderson if I`m unest, stinks! 3 stars
12/31/99 Paul Great 4 stars
12/20/99 Eric S. I found this film surprisingly unengaging and sluggish. Jaws is much better 3 stars
12/18/99 SID One of the best thrill-ride movies to come out since Jurassic Park. Admit you liked it. 5 stars
12/10/99 P The scariest movie you will see this year 5 stars
11/25/99 Mattias Dahlgren Ghee! Does Stellan Skarsgard rule or what?! He totally owns this great movie anyway... 5 stars
11/13/99 George Nedelchev Exciting, balanced, well shot. Pure entertainment. 4 stars
11/10/99 david bax OR E-MAIL me at the best movie ever 5 stars
11/10/99 Ryan Philippe gets hit by a car and it rules OH Man I just saw it and that part with the shark and the guy in the water! I combusted! 5 stars
11/09/99 Ralf Behet A fairly good watch. No more no less. Don't expect too much 3 stars
11/09/99 MAFIABOY!! LOUD,Bad Acting and Rubber sharks...LLcoolJ was the worst! timewasting though 4 stars
11/04/99 Jartsa Great movie, No stupid kissing scenes 3 stars
11/02/99 Dave An absolute pile of stinking poop. Thats 2 hours of my life I would like refunded. 1 stars
10/23/99 Emma Fantastic! Better than Jaws. 5 stars
10/23/99 Jaddax the best shark movie for a long time 5 stars
10/22/99 Matthew Bartley Giant sharks eating people.What do you expect? 4 stars
10/16/99 Mark It was ok, but the last movie I saw was Blair Witch, so I had so little to compare it to. 3 stars
10/10/99 john grove a nice timewaster, some good scares 4 stars
10/10/99 HotStuff It was great and it makes think about whether or not you want to go swimming in the ocean!! 5 stars
10/05/99 Hannah Dove It was totally awesome. it was jumpy. its good to get your adrenolen rushing. it was a rush 5 stars
10/05/99 rob It takes too long to get started, but once it does, it ROCKS!!! 4 stars
10/02/99 Ian WEBB What a load of shit - too many laws of physics are overcome 1 stars
9/22/99 ctrlaltdelete great movie, very entertaining, didn't patronize viewers 5 stars
9/20/99 JP Crough I thought it was an exciting thriller. I had to see it twice 4 stars
9/15/99 LCW A laugh riot. A shark replaces Geena as Renny's "Bitch with an Attitude." 4 stars
9/13/99 Joni Martikainen I liked it very much! it is really good film, but I thought that it would be better! 4 stars
9/11/99 Timbo My mom got eaten by a shark fuck this movie 1 stars
9/10/99 Prudence Hardwick(Age 65) you youngins' jus don know a good movie when ya see one. 5 stars
9/07/99 Springfieldian I love to see people eaten! 4 stars
8/27/99 Augie This film is intense, scary, action packed, and unpredictable. 5 stars
8/24/99 Obi Wan Movie with balls...go see it! 4 stars
8/21/99 Cherry Great film, Fun, Recognize the fun in the film people, ..its not to be taken seriously 5 stars
8/20/99 Sillybugger Back away from the f***king computer and make a real movie... 2 stars
8/19/99 Tree Computer FX becoming boring. DBS proves this. 2 stars
8/19/99 Buckshot Nice FX 5 stars
8/18/99 Rick "Deep Blue Sea" is, by far, the best shark movie I've seen this summer. 3 stars
8/18/99 Rodney Duke Stupid Stupid Stupid. Terrible Dialogue 1 stars
8/13/99 Jazzy It was everything good about a cheesy action movie 5 stars
8/12/99 ALiaS I couldnt stop laughing thru the whole thing...hey, weren't those the Mint-a-Burst sharks?? 1 stars
8/10/99 Malbert Pretty crappy plot&acting, but see it just for the sharks 3 stars
8/05/99 Alexis I went there to be scared and I was suprised a few times. 3 stars
8/05/99 Bill G 2 scoops of Jurassic Park, a dash of Twister and a hell of a lot of water = A GREAT MOVIE 5 stars
8/04/99 A-Dawg Pretty awesome for a super-animal movie 5 stars
8/03/99 Will G very entertaining, full of suspense, and attention grabbing but lacked realism in places 4 stars
8/03/99 Trevor Snow Of course a 20 ton shark can bust though 3-inch thick glass, but can't bust open an oven 2 stars
8/03/99 Nigel Herringbone III This movie was brilliant. LL Cool J provided was fucking dope...Sharks are cool!!!!!!!! 5 stars
8/03/99 Obi Wan Finally a movie with guts! A Good Summer Flick....defn8ly worth watching. Will surprise u 4 stars
8/02/99 Raeleen Mattes not a jaws knock off at all, exciting and not as bad as I thought it would be 4 stars
8/02/99 Weird Andy I was too busy masturbating to really follow the flick, but it seemed okay. 3 stars
8/02/99 Daddy Rich Great surprises and great effects. One of the best movies of the summer. 5 stars
8/02/99 John M Pretty corny at points but it has good action, GREAT surprises and good humor. 4 stars
7/31/99 XenoWolf The writers and director should have grown some brains before making it 2 stars
7/31/99 Michael Superlative effects, a very likable cast, and, best of all, totally unpredictable at times! 5 stars
7/31/99 Kitty purr It was a very good movie. Just the thing for summer. 4 stars
7/30/99 Vampyre9mm You take sharks and make them smart!!! This movie seemed like it was written on a dare. 2 stars
7/30/99 buddy What "The Haunting" thought it was. 4 stars
7/29/99 Derek Rich I agree, totally. 'Deep Blue Sea' has bite. You can never guess who gets chomped in it 4 stars
7/29/99 jvt common sense was right out the fucking window 2 stars
12/22/98 The Dude It will be cool just check out whos in it and who it's directed by 4 stars
8/28/98 Mister Whoopee Especially bad. Jaws where the sharks turn human-like and kill scientists. Ugh. 2 stars
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  28-Jul-1999 (R)


  27-Sep-1999 (M)

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