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Overall Rating

Awesome: 6.78%
Worth A Look: 6.78%
Average: 28.81%
Pretty Bad: 23.73%
Total Crap33.9%

4 reviews, 35 user ratings

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Hollywood Homicide
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by Scott Weinberg

"Hollywood Hackjob"
1 stars

Over the past several years, respected actor Harrison Ford would invariably offer the same response when asked about the possibility of a fourth Indiana Jones movie: "If the script is good, then I'll do it," was his general attitude. But if Mr. Ford is so powerfully concerned about the script for Indy 4 - how could he explain signing on for a movie as atrociously written as Hollywood freakin' Homicide?

Few things are as stomach-turning as watching a boyhood idol absolutely humiliate himself for a quick paycheck. Hollywood Homicide is so astonishingly inept and poorly constructed that I'm convinced it was initially conceived as a direct-to-video cheapie that somehow managed to wrangle Harrison Ford as its leading man. If you can find one unique, original or exciting thing in Hollywood Homicide, I have a list of about 95 cop flicks you've probably never seen.

Directed with a distinct air of disinterest by Ron Shelton, Hollywood Homicide is a chintzy, lazy and altogether contemptible piece of disposable formula filmmaking. The script that Ford and co-star Josh Hartnett are working from feels as if it's been passed around Hollywood for 25 years - as a sort of "Cliff's Notes outline" on how to create boring and generic cop flicks.

But you're not supposed to actually FILM the outline!

About here's where I'd do into what we call "plot synopsis". So here goes: Ford and Hartnett are cops.

Oh and there's a subplot: Ford's character is also a real estate salesman - so he tries to sell houses while arresting people.

Funny stuff eh?

What can be said for a movie boasting such an eclectic supporting cast (which includes Martin Landau, Bruce Greenwood, Lena Olin, Lolita Davidovich, Keith David and Dwight Yoakum) that manages to WASTE every single one of them? You could take the same actors, film them eating LUNCH and I guarantee something entertaining would happen. To misuse such potentially enjoyable performers with such alarming intensity reeks of filmmakers without a clue and producers who simply don't give a shit.

Blink and you'll most a few "WTF?" cameos from the likes of Eric Idle, Lou Diamond Phillips and Robert Wagner. Don't ask me why they're included. I guess Harry Ford's got a lot of friends. The movie lumbers from cliché to cliché without missing one predictable beat, somehow jamming its "main plot" (dead rappers) in amdist an unending litany of pointless subplots. Ford has a sexy girlfriend (warning: he makes a Viagra joke); Hartnett dreams of being an actor (a telling touch if ever there was one) and uses new-age schpiel to bed lots of hot young butt; Greenwood plays a pointlessly evil Internal Affairs schmo; Keith David is the bellowing sarge.

OK, has anyone out there NOT seen this movie yet? About 400 times? And let's be honest here: Harrison Ford looks downright embarassed to be in this movie. Heck, I'm all for a stoic actor shedding some grump to poke some fun at himself - but there's a massive difference between self-deprecation and self-immolation. By the time Harrison is forced to climb aboard a little girl's bicycle while chasing some faceless villain - I honestly felt like I was going to scream. It's like watching your own father get beaten up. Badly.

It's sadly evident why Ford chose this as his next project: with he and Hartnett front and center, the marketing folks now have a product to sell to the 40-year-old fogies AND the keening throngs of teeny-boppers. Well great; you got two popular leading men. Too bad they're mired in a film so amazingly bad that it looks like it began as a Showtime flick written for Jean Claude Van Damme and Dean Cain to star in.

That's now twice this year I've been forced to watch a personal idol roll around in shit for ninety minutes in the interest of a quick and easy paycheck. (I've yet to forgive Steve Martin for the preposterously awful Bringing Down the House.) Look, I know an actor's gotta get paid, but hell - if a Harrison Ford can't get his mitts on a better screenplay than THIS one...then that's what I call Hollywood homicide.

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originally posted: 06/14/03 12:38:23
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User Comments

1/26/09 Pamela White Too stupid for good actors. 2 stars
7/28/08 The Dork Knight Awful 1 stars
11/11/06 Bill Hi all 5 stars
5/28/06 William Goss Here I was, afraid we would never EVER get another buddy-cop action-comedy. Lucky me. 2 stars
1/07/06 Michael Lots of fun 4 stars
7/27/05 Dr. Zoidberg Its idea of humor is Ford & Hartnett distracted by cell phone calls. Really. 1 stars
7/24/05 Bad Critic The ending chase and crashes kept it from a two. 3 stars
6/22/05 Naruto Real bullshit! 1 stars
1/17/05 Nobody this movie was so boring I can't think of anything to say except it sucks 1 stars
9/27/04 Archanist_101 WHAT A PREDICITABLE PEICE OF shit !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
9/21/04 Aaron Smith Awful, just awful, not even one star. 1 stars
8/19/04 courtney i agree Frods not comidy but Hartnett evens it out 3 stars
8/06/04 ELI I couldnt sit through this movie 2 stars
12/01/03 Reno One of the worst scripts I've ever seen. Ford can't do comedy... 1 stars
10/06/03 Jack Sommersby Poorly written and directed. Ford's occasional wryness isn't nearly enough to save it. 1 stars
9/07/03 Shane Myers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pretty DULL!!!! one of the dullest films i've ever seen in my life! I WANT MY MONEY BACK!! 3 stars
9/01/03 Rhonda Blankenship Harrison Ford rebounds some from WHAT LIES BENEATH, but still deserves MUCH better. 3 stars
8/28/03 anna Just when you want to leave the theatre, something intentionally gut-busting funny happens. 4 stars
8/19/03 Markus Hack 1 stars
7/23/03 Vicky My brother-in-law is one of the rappers that got killed in the movie. I loved it. 5 stars
6/30/03 Jon Baxter If you don't hit satire just right, you end up with this movie. Lazy, pointless, and dull. 2 stars
6/29/03 malcolm random -- MrTinkles was dead on: HH might've made a pretty good TV show 2 stars
6/27/03 Sylvia I thought it was a great comedy and the actors did very well 5 stars
6/25/03 Jeff Decent fun time like any other Lethal Weapon 4 stars
6/18/03 Alicia Estes Bad, really bad. Josh Hartnett can't act out of a paper bag 1 stars
6/15/03 Earl Dittman, Wireless Magazine Spacemonkeys! Another favorite actor is now victm of The Machine of bad moviemaking! Happy? 1 stars
6/15/03 maximus I wouldn't pay theater rates to see this - maybe rental. It's okay, but, not that okay. 2 stars
6/14/03 Allen Wow! Lighten up people, it was a pretty entertaining movie. 4 stars
6/14/03 George Jung Better than most of the crap in the theaters now; at least it's not boring 3 stars
6/14/03 Darth Haggis Should not do another movie til Indiana JOnes 4 1 stars
6/14/03 Jack Bourbon Ford's character was good. . . then there's nothing, whatsoever, else 2 stars
6/14/03 bob mckenzie Ford should just retire now before Indy Jones 12 1 stars
6/13/03 dfhdfh pretty good 5 stars
6/09/03 The Chronic a cinematic *PUKE*. Can I get another friggin' crazy cop movie? Damn you Lethal Weapon! 2 stars
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  13-Jun-2003 (PG-13)



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