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Overall Rating

Awesome: 6.71%
Worth A Look: 2.68%
Average: 1.34%
Pretty Bad: 0.67%
Total Crap88.59%

2 reviews, 137 user ratings

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From Justin to Kelly
[] Buy posters from this movie
by Collin Souter

"A cinematic flicking of her stained middle finger, from Kelly to her fans."
1 stars

To paraphrase Miss Kelly Clarkson: “If you’re dumb enough to watch my show and vote for me, you’re dumb enough for my movie. Enjoy!” Truer words could not have been spoken, even if they didn’t come out that way. But according to Miss Clarkson, that’s what she thinks of her fans and by the looks of the numbers on its opening weekend, they don’t think that much of her either. You see? Every once in a while, the public says ‘no.’ Every once in a while, parents will have that talk with their children about the bad movies they remember seeing when they were that age. Every once in a while, the American public will look at their American Idols and say, “You know what, skank? I’m done with you.”

I myself have never watched one episode of “American Idol,” an accomplishment for which I expect to receive a trophy. I have to put up with enough God-awful music in my daily life from the likes of Train, Matchbox 20 and Alannis Morisette, mini-van rock for 40+ soccer moms. Why do I need to hear more bad music during my prime time hours when I should be watching “Gilmore Girls,” “24” or “Six Feet Under”? Why should I watch horrible lizard people win awards for shouting out anthems that would make MeatLoaf wince?

Furthermore, why should anybody bother with a movie starring these detestable sideshow ghouls? Oh, sure, I say that now, but what about the potential for a homo-erotic sequel starring the winner/loser of last season? I’m thinking “The Living End” meets “How to Stuff A Wild Bikini.” If anybody wants to steal that idea, go right ahead.

“From Justin To Kelly,” we have been told, is for the fans. Considering this movie was written last Friday, shot this past Monday, edited the following Wednesday and dropped from a cargo plane (sans parachute) into our nations multiplexes the following Thursday evening, they have a lot to be thankful for. They wanted their movie and they got it quick. (Editor’s note: The guilt-ridden pilot of said cargo plane flew into the Rocky Mountains in a Fox-sponsored suicide pact. Several Fox executives have been missing ever since).

The “plot” involves three giddy suthern gals high on sassafras, twang and horribly-coached suthern ayc-cents going to the beach (and, yes, one of them is Miss Clarkson). Coincidentally, three IQ-deficient lunkheads (one of them Justin) have also decided to spend their spring break at the beach. The two packs of friends meet, sing, dance and sing sexually provocative songs such as “Pull It Out,” “Get Down On Me” and “Jam That 12-inch Flesh Spike Into My-Oh-My-Oh-Baby-Please-You-Make-My-Love- Grow-Baby-Please-Enough-Put-Down-That-Ether-Rag- I-Love-You-Why-The-Gimp-Mask-Oh-You-Make-Me-Fee-eee-eeel…”

Justin meets Kelly. Justin loses Kelly. Dialogue coach checks into hospital with self-inflicted head wound. Kelly loses southern accent. Justin gets Kelly again. Choreographer willfully throws himself into the mouth of a blood-thirsty alligator. Justin and Kelly sing on a boat without moving. Justin and Kelly’s collective friends also try to score with hot guys/gals. They lose them. They sing and dance. Movie wraps in 81 minutes, but feels slightly longer than Bertolucci’s “1900.”

Boom, done. Among the cretins we have to put up with: On the Miss Clarkson side, we have Token, the black chick and Blondee, the token. On Justin’s side, we have a muscular whitebread yo-yo-yo-in-da-house playuh who likes to make money only to lose it to a cop for a fine (Wa-wa-wa-waaaaaa!). We also have their nerdy, net-surfing wormy guy who tries to hook up with a cyber chick. While we have plenty of hotties running around the joint, the filmmakers thought you’d rather see this guy grease up his half-naked body before baking like charcoal in the hot sun. A grave miscalculation. So, yeah, think “Crossroads” meets “Fraternity Vacation.”

And what about that title? “From Justin To Kelly.” From Justin to Kelly what!?! What did Justin actually give to Kelly besides a perfectly sound reason to off herself? And who are these people? Kelly may be kinda cute, but she looks too pouty and pissed off most of the time. And Justin Guarini? What? Who? The dude who lost? Aside from having less charisma than the average Barbarian Brother, Mr. Guarini with his wild near-fro looks like a cross between the dreaded Carrot Top and the Johnny Cab from “Total Recall,” with his oily complexion, which I’m guessing is the result of an unspeakable, irreversible accident involving spermicidal jelly and a White Castle hamburger. With his girlish demeanor, he may want to also ask Trudy, the Testicle Fairy for a new pair of nuts. Perhaps he gave them to Kelly?

“From Justin To Kelly” represents the worst kind of bad movie. I came into it ready for a good, solid heckle. I had a buddy with me (whom I’m sure would prefer to remain nameless) who had the same spirit I did. Yet, about 45 minutes into it, we lost interest. The movie maintains a repetitive level of badness that makes it hard to come up with a new joke. Too often, the scenes recycle themselves. “Jesus, we just made fun of a scene just like this. There’s nowhere else to go.” At least with “Extreme Ops” or “Wrong Turn,” things happened. A movie like this can really last a lifetime. The best thing I can say about this flick: At least the songs had no catch to them so as not to haunt me for the rest of the day. Or, is that a bad thing? I don’t even know anymore.

I imagined parents having a looooooong talk to their children about “From Justin To Kelly” prior to its opening. I imagined parents saying stuff like, “I don’t wanna see my baby get hurt,” “You’ll bring shame and disgrace to our family for generations to come,” and “Honey, did I ever tell you about a film called ‘The Pirate Movie’?” Sure, kids don’t like to listen to their parents, but parents need to keep this in mind: The PG-rated “From Justin To Kelly” wasn’t made for rebels. It was made to get your children INTO rebellion. This movie could drive your kids to drink heavily after breakfast, smoke countless filter-less cigarettes before dinner, drop out of junior college, impregnate and abort on a bi-monthly basis. Good job, Kelly. Way to destroy our nation’s youth (even further) with your vaguely wholesome, pseudo-inspirational vocal crapulence. Now, get the hell outta here! We’re done with you.

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originally posted: 06/23/03 23:10:15
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User Comments

2/20/15 Chris Jarmick Jaw dropping awful and very entertaining G rated Springbreak romantic-comedy-musical. 4 stars
9/04/13 Meghan Malicoat They should have left this one alone 1 stars
9/22/12 Quigley Not one of the worst films ever made, but easily the worst musical ever made. 1 stars
1/09/09 alexis m this movie rock 5 stars
6/17/08 Jenn This trash should be used in interrogation rooms. 1 stars
2/02/07 Colleen Is there anyone above the age of 14 who enjoyed this? 1 stars
10/26/06 Joe Just when you think Hollywood can't sink any lower, they pull this rabbit out of their hat. 1 stars
10/23/06 WTF I saw this on HBO. I wanted to BREAK my TV!!! 1 stars
10/17/06 Nikki it was great and i loved it 5 stars
8/14/06 Sharon this movie was to easy to follow and it wasnt boring they just cant act 1 stars
7/30/06 Ryan_A Clarkson's as cute as a button but has the personality to match. Movie's beyond atrocious. 1 stars
6/06/06 Jill I think it was a pretty good movie!! 4 stars
2/11/06 Anthony Hey Justin get over it, kelly won american idol 1 stars
10/27/05 funkmaster this was worse than raise your voice 1 stars
10/24/05 Total Crap This Movie is gay. Acting is crap. Buy it and give it to someone you hate. 1 stars
10/19/05 Kurt If there was a rating called sucks-sucks-sucks-sucks-sucks-sucks I'd vote for it 1 stars
10/15/05 Lor of course it was light, the writer wasn't smart enough to write anything deep 1 stars
10/13/05 caitlin louise foard i relly enjoyed this film it was light and easy to follow 5 stars
9/21/05 Laine Buy the DVD - it makes a great Frisbee! 1 stars
9/08/05 paki_munda god this was terrible 1 stars
9/06/05 al ya think may b they use this thing for anger management training??? 1 stars
8/04/05 matt my gf dragged me to see it and i felt like i wasted precious hours of my life 1 stars
7/24/05 Duffyboy666 From bad to atrocious. AVOID! AVOID! 2 stars
7/06/05 Audrey This movie has more cheese than a box of Kraft Dinner! DON'T SEE IT! 1 stars
7/03/05 raven why has god tortured the american public with this drivel? why?????????? 1 stars
7/02/05 Pandora Awsome, in the opinion of someone who wouldn't know a good movie if it bit them in the ass. 1 stars
7/01/05 Vic This was worse than American Idol 1 stars
6/21/05 kel i'm ashamed to share a first name with this FREAK 1 stars
6/02/05 tatum I hope everyone involved enjoys their eternity in HELL 1 stars
5/29/05 Ellen i thought it was good but it would of been better if there weren as much singing n alite by 3 stars
5/26/05 someone Sucks across the board, that should be answer enough. 1 stars
5/25/05 Jake pure crap from beginning to end 1 stars
5/22/05 petra YAK! i seriosly wanted 2 puke after seein this 1 stars
5/19/05 me awful kely clarkson sux and so does justine gareeni 1 stars
5/08/05 Daph HORRIBLE! worst movie I've ever seen! whatever you do don't see it!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
4/30/05 Laine Why are these two acting? Why aren't they valet parking like good little has-beens? 1 stars
4/28/05 Braden WORST. MOVIE. EVER. 1 stars
4/21/05 Riviera Don't see this. Just don't. I can't even begin to describe all the reasons why. 1 stars
4/13/05 Charlotte Easily the most pathetic movie in the world. Go see The Aviator instead of this CRAP. 1 stars
4/05/05 Madeira Perky, disjointed, and downright moronic. Kelly should have stuck with waitressing. 1 stars
3/06/05 patricia AWESOME 5 stars
2/07/05 ELI Not the WORST movie of all time... Probably the stupidest 1 stars
12/27/04 mjoc ???????????????????????????? 1 stars
12/22/04 Holly Shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty, shitty! 1 stars
8/31/04 samantha it is Awesome 5 stars
7/25/04 Katie ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE!!! This is one of the worst movies I have EVER SEEN! 1 stars
7/22/04 Cecilia Corona I really liked the music and the words the song 5 stars
7/17/04 Joe Stupidly Self-absorbed and ultimately meaningless these two can't act at all 1 stars
7/04/04 Lex What more can I say? KILL 1 stars
6/30/04 Mara It's the best but Alexa is sortave a brat 5 stars
6/20/04 Spiderfan50 If these were our "Ameican Idols", the good 'ol USA is in BIG trouble! 1 stars
6/08/04 Chris Make It Stop Oh God Make It Fucking Stop 1 stars
5/31/04 Rico The only time this movie is good is when it's lying in a trash can and being burned! 1 stars
5/27/04 Drew Harris I think the movie was great. It was a good movie! 5 stars
4/19/04 Nori Why is this called a MOVIE review? I mean it's not even a movie! 1 stars
4/09/04 joe there shouldnt be an awsome rating for this...try making another sux rating...ha ha ha ha 1 stars
4/02/04 janet turn off the suck! 1 stars
3/31/04 Chelsea THIS IS A TOTAL PIECE OF TRASH!!! I can't believe people actually liked it! 1 stars
3/29/04 Kay Truly terrifying. It made no sense at all and the acting sucked. 1 stars
3/29/04 G We think it's crap 'cuz it is. And we don't care either. 1 stars
3/27/04 Melissa Gaugert Dare I say BRITNEY is a better actor than these dorks! :-P 1 stars
3/27/04 Gretchen sappy, boring, sickeningly sweet 1 stars
3/22/04 jon id rather watch celebrity midget mud wrestling than this 1 stars
3/22/04 susan lee pure crap. one of the worst "musicals" 1 stars
3/21/04 kris awful, horrible, terrible, sickening, bad, nasty, whatever! 1 stars
3/18/04 Dan Even Mary Kate and Ashley could have done better than Kelly! 1 stars
3/16/04 shady most loathsome movie ever 1 stars
3/15/04 Kari People only like it cuz Kelly and Justin are in it, not because it's good. Which it isn't. 1 stars
3/14/04 randi the most schizo "movie" i've ever seen...what were the writers on again? 1 stars
3/08/04 Ann I just think it's funny that this piece of crap is already in the $5.50 DVD bin at Walmart. 1 stars
2/22/04 scott hated it!!! 1 stars
2/13/04 liz noone rated it pretty crappy yet...why? cuz it sucks 2 much!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
2/11/04 Matt The people who wrote this "movie" were on something. I'm sure of it. 1 stars
2/10/04 steve a movie ticket: five dollars. hospital care for those who liked this: priceless. 1 stars
2/04/04 Sugarfoot Funny for all the wrong reasons! 1 stars
2/02/04 Ally What's with all these good reviews? Is this world getting dumber or what? 1 stars
1/29/04 Ali Zzzzzzz . . . what? This is a movie? Oh, I thought it was an infomercial. Zzzzzzz . . . 1 stars
1/28/04 Jake Redundant and stupid are the two words that best describe this movie 1 stars
1/21/04 brandy yes it does deserve a look- a look of disgust! 1 stars
1/06/04 George was whatever but no BADDDD!! 4 stars
1/04/04 Katy HORRIBLE!!! That's the only way it can be described! HORRIBLE!!! 1 stars
12/08/03 lilcutie a great film 5 stars
11/05/03 kana let's keep these bad reviews coming people! 1 stars
10/19/03 Jay IT'S NOT 1 stars
10/15/03 Monica IT'S GOOD 5 stars
10/03/03 Arlene Two words: Yeah. Right. 1 stars
9/26/03 Vanessa Haters, unite! It's time we put an end to the horseshit that is From Justin To Hell. 1 stars
9/23/03 Lisa Sweet mother of fuck. This movie really sucked. 1 stars
9/22/03 Jen Sanity levels are dropping at faster rates than ever. 'Nuff said. 1 stars
9/19/03 Mark86 Almost as bad as gigli... 1 stars
9/09/03 Sugarfoot I dare anyone to see this and Cool As Ice and keep a straight face. Can't do it. 1 stars
8/26/03 Maria Sounds like a Shitty Movie!!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
8/21/03 greensweater the putz Beatdown of the Century!!! This movie sucks!!!!!!! 1 stars
8/18/03 fhfghfghfg This is the worst movie ever!!!!! Anyone who gives this higher than 1 star should be shot. 1 stars
8/15/03 Jiz I hate this movie!!! It was fucking awful!!! Dumped my GF after watching this shit. 1 stars
8/06/03 Collin The Worst Movie That I've Evere Seen, And I've Seen All The Friday The 13th Films 1 stars
8/03/03 Matt This movie sucked! 1 stars
8/01/03 Stephanie Throckmorton Makes THE REAL CANCUN look deep. But at least there's a bit of a plot here. 3 stars
7/29/03 Nelson Does Justin even like girls? It would have been more believable as "From Justin to Fred". 1 stars
7/21/03 George Jung It's amazing how bad this movie is. Jack Sommersby sucks! 1 stars
7/18/03 Hottie bad bad bad 1 stars
7/16/03 Danielle Ophelia (Haven't seen it; never will) "One for From Justin to Kelly"--People actually said that? God. Don't feed the turkeys! 1 stars
7/16/03 Grizzly Jones Justin is as girlish as they come.... loser 1 stars
7/13/03 nick g i stank like helll i hate those to dork kelly and justin stink like ben affalck or how ever 1 stars
7/09/03 Uncle Salty From Horseshit to something incredibly worse. 1 stars
7/07/03 jezzika kelly clarkson should have never won american a-hole 1 stars
7/06/03 Shawn Franks It was stupid Kelly Clarkson is fine though, I think Justin Guarini is gay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 1 stars
7/04/03 Jana Lame 1 stars
7/03/03 John Linton Roberson You have to be kidding me--oh HA HA HA HA barf. 1 stars
7/03/03 Colin Makes the Misadventures Of Jason Vorhees Look Like Shakesphere 1 stars
7/02/03 Mr. Kelly Clarkson The movie was worse than Baby Geniuses and Santa with Muscles 1 stars
7/02/03 James Stephens Makes "The Pirate Movie" look like "Moulin Rouge." 1 stars
6/29/03 Andrew Carden Even Die-Hard AI Fans Won't Enjoy This Mindless, Contrived Mess. 1 stars
6/29/03 Ha ha ha ha ha you CUNTS only got 2.9 million on first WEEK! Maybe the rapid sinking of this turd will take studios' minds off "reality" SHIT. 1 stars
6/28/03 Q It burns... it burns... 1 stars
6/28/03 Atanu These cretins should go boil their heads. 1 stars
6/27/03 jezzika american a-hole bitch sucks ass,a horrible amateur 1 stars
6/27/03 E-Rock Casey, you need your head examined. The last time I checked, Pop music wasn't "So Cool" 1 stars
6/27/03 Justin Zafag Jeeeeeeze this sucked. 1 stars
6/26/03 dave no insults can do this movie justice 1 stars
6/26/03 Corrine Lafitte I was dragged into by a friend of mine. I had to leave 15 mins, into the movie to puke. 1 stars
6/26/03 raven I want my money back 1 stars
6/25/03 hossny raslan 1 stars
6/25/03 tetertertr Scariest Movie Of All-Time. It gives me nightmares. The singing and the acting is so scary! 1 stars
6/25/03 sbe it sucked bad never pay to see this movie 1 stars
6/24/03 Jin a new low for Hollywood. 1 stars
6/23/03 Angry Black Man Clay and Ruben's gay boi love scenes will be hotter!! 1 stars
6/23/03 Captain Highcrime Al Quaeda, are you watching? Do you need some addresses? 1 stars
6/22/03 Linda was better than I expected. K and J did a good job acting, but Kellys voice makes the movie 4 stars
6/22/03 Ken Anyone who pays to see this should be beaten to death with a blunt object. 1 stars
6/21/03 bullit16 You'll love it if you like Idol. And you're 15. And a girl. And a fucking sheep. 1 stars
6/21/03 skippy loved it! My favorite part was when Justin stopped mid-song and fucked Kelly in the ass!!! 1 stars
6/20/03 Jacko Bob This movie Sucked 1 stars
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  20-Jun-2003 (PG)
  DVD: 26-Aug-2003



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