"Nothing says 'awfulness' like last year's Fad Movies."
Much like any motion picture created solely to cash in on whatever's "hot" these days, :Grind" is pretty much garbage.Grind is a series of skateboarding sequences punctuated by juvenile comedy materail so outdated and lifeless and banal that it simply boggles the mind. Why not just make a 90-minute documentary about the joys of skateboarding instead of this flaccid piece of refuse? Oh yeah, because it's tough to get tittie jokes for the trailer if you make a skateboarding documentary instead of the 43,432th Animal House retread...only with skateboards.
So we have a bunch of idiots who are good at skateboarding. Like any worthwhile young movie characters, they despise responsibility and hard work, and hope to succeed through sheer force of awesome-ness or bitchin'-ostiy. Or whatever the current slang is for "skill with a wheeled board." Since Grind is most interested in silly guest stars and frequent product placement, our gang of four pursue a popular skateboarding comeptition, shake hands with actual skateboarders, drink a whole lot of well-known soft drinks and leer at breasts. Amidst all this we get frequent looks at real skateboarders skateboarding and a collection of music-video montages that serve only to make this merciless mass seem longer than it actually is.
If you've ever seen those Sprite commericals in which a quartet of stunningly obnoxious slang-spouters jump out of airplanes and dive over cliffs, then you've already seen Grind. Only you've seen the thirty-second version. This one's 100-plus minutes.
First-time director Casey La Scala (producer behind stuff like the interminable What a Girl Wants and the brilliant Donnie Darko) presents the thing in full-on commercial mode. There's nothing within Grind that doesn't feel like a Coke commercial or a low-budget rock video. Sometimes it's both at the same time.
The skateboarding aficionadoes who will inevitably be drawn to the film are rewarded with a collection of reprehensible actors as heroes, none of which is more monumentally obnoxious than that of Vince Vileuf as...oh, I don't know...the really slobby one. Rare is the movie character that makes one want to peel the skin off one's eyes, but Vieluf pulls it off with stunning ease. One could spend pages detailing the ineptness of the entire cast, but let's just leave it at this: Tom Green makes a cameo here. (Remember him?) And when Tom Green is the "brief flash of color" within a truly awful movie, you're talking about "truly awful" of a special degree.
If you love skateboarding (and therefore hate me for trashing a movie clearly created for you), feel free to rent Grind, hit the mute button and fast forward through anything that doesn't involve a half-pipe. Anything that can make Grind shorter while eliminating the dialogue easily creates a more entertaining movie.I could also mention that WB has decided to release this entirely awful movie in an entirely awful Full Frame transfer. But anything that keeps people away from "Grind" is OK by me...although as an actual movie (albeit a wretched one) it certainly deserved a DVD release in its original Widescreen aspect ratio.