Reviewed By FrankG
Posted 10/17/98 02:03:14

"You know... Starship Troopers… for kids!"
5 stars (Awesome)

Torture. Decapitations. Impaled bodies. Deaths by incineration. Bodies crushed to death and ripped apart by acid. The hells of War. Talk of sex and seduction. Mouth to anus sucking action. The children's movie, 'Antz?!?!?'

I can not believe that this film got a PG rating. All the things I list above happen in the movie. I swear to god (i.e. Terry Gilliam). I don’t know how they got away with it. Maybe because all the characters are ants and not humans. But if you prick an ant... does he not bleed? Hmmm... no, I guess they just leak. But still. I personally don’t think this movie is too suitable for children. But screw those stunties... they make too much noise anyway. I think that all the porno theaters should have children Wednesdays or something. That way, they can do a double feature of ‘Carl Cums Home’ and ‘Antz,’ and we adult humans can go see a kids movie without all those damn kids.

Now, for us non-vertically challenged humans, its all good. The story follows the worker ant, Z, voiced by Woody Allen (I hear that there is a cut scene where Z has his way with a asian fire-ant larva. Maybe in the director’s cut, eh?). Z has come to the realization that he as a person, is totally insignificant in the grand scheme of things. But then his life turns upside down, with a chance encounter with the colony princess, Balla, voiced by Sharon Stone… and no, she isn’t wearing underwear. Z decides to switch places with his best bud, Weaver, voiced by Sly Stallone. Weaver’s a soldier ant, so Z does the old switch-aroo so he can meet Bala again at an army inspection. Thing is, Weaver’s unit gets sent to war. Z survives the disturbing battle, and returns a hero. Problem is, the ants have a class society in which you are born into a class, and you die in that class… nothing else is possible. When everybody finds out that Z is a worker ant, everybody starts thinking for themselves. Z becomes a Jesus/Hoffa type person in all the ants eyes. Which goes against everything that General Mandible (voice of Gene Hackman) loves and believes. Shenanigans ensue, and Z and Bala find themselves in the outside world alone. Bala wishes to return to the colony, and Z takes this opportunity to search for Insectopia. A world where food is in abundance, and an ant can be his own ant.

The animation was incredible. I’m even a hater of computer animation… I like the old ink and celluloid deal, but ‘Antz’ has me coming around. The story kept me interested too. And this is Stallone at his best… he even did better then the time he played the ant in ‘Pi.’ That was him… wasn’t it?

Go see ‘Antz.’ But leave you kids at home with the stoner babysitter. Because it’s no place for kids.

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