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Crazy White Boys

Reviewed By Chris Parry
Posted 09/23/03 16:56:22

"Perhaps the worst film ever made... but that's the intention."
1 stars (Total Crap)

Andy Warhol once said that, in the future, everyone would get fifteen minutes of fame. Well, it's the future now, and it's safe to say that Warhol's guess was alittle bit off. Not only will every schmo on the planet eventually have their own reality show, but every single depraved, illegal, dumb ass act will eventually be captured on video tape, turned into a movie, and sold for $19.95.

It was inevitable that Jackass would create a legion of imitators. When all you need to get famous is a video camera, the ability to headbutt things, and someone to bail you out of jail when the going gets rough, suddenly the 99.5% of the population that aren't capable of making a movie or writing a novel can be famous too.

Huzzah! Don't like the fact that you're anonymous on the subway? Go on Jerry Springer and admit to wearing diapers. Want to kill yourself but don't want to go out without someone knowing about it? Write a letter and dedicate the act to Jodie Foster. It's fun! We can all be famous and pretend we have self-worth! Whee!

Which brings us to Crazy White Boys. Now, I'm not going to say that these guys are no-lifes on a 'Springer guest' scale, but if the footage on this DVD is anything to go by, they're the kind of guys you not only don't want to be dating your sister, you also don't want them within grabbing distance of your goldfish, or close enough to projectile vomit near you, and you sure as hell don't want them renting your condo.

Yes, the Crazy White Boys DVD fetaures things you can not look away from. It features some genuinely funny moments and stunts that will make you cringe. But does that make it must-see TV?

There are moments of inspired subversion in this film (though I use the term film very loosely, almost 'Carrot Top' loosely). Watching these dudes scamming a McDonalds restaurant out of lunch is fun enough, and an attack on a the logo of a giant Target store sign with a paintball gun is the kind of thing I'd encourage children of all ages to go out and do.

But then that's followed with things that aren't funny at all. In fact, they're shitty. Shooting a woman jogging down the road with that same paintball gun is simply fucked up. In doing things like that, the Crazy White Boys crew descend from Jackasss territory into Bum Fights territory, and that's a level of Hell reserved for Republican politicians, oil company executives and journalists who work for Fox News.

A headbutting fight between one of the CWB guys and a bald fat guy will make you stop what you're doing and say 'ouch' over and over, a day spent destroying a car in the desert closes with an all too hilarious ending (at gunpoint, no less), and a sneaky trick played on a Compton bike thief is the sort of thing that lets you know that these guys aren't complete buffoons.

But then, there are gallons of vomit on display here, as well as pointless acts that do damage for damage's sake, inflicting expense on people who have nothing to do with this production, and surely don't deserve to have to fork out money in repairs just so twelve seconds of video tape can be filled.

Countless minutes are spent watching lunatics trash the inside of their apartment, seemingly big stunts are built up to, only to end up being letdowns (a stage invasion of a Vegas Steve-O show couldn't have been more weak), and the only time these guys are silent throughout the entire hour is when they encounter an Elephant Man-type guy begging in the street with a head so malformed that you won't know what to say. Thankfully nobody pegged a beer can at his head or called him a 'fag' or lit him on fire, but there's plenty of that going on around his one appearance.

I can respect anyone who puts enough thought into a 'stunt' so that the act itself makes a point. If you go after Wal-Mart, I'm with you. If you create a scene that points out the ridiculous nature of fame or greed or what humanity has become, I can relate to and respect that. But when you spend three minutes eating goldfish or beating some dude in the head with an electric fan, guys, there's not a lot of applause I can offer.

At least there were plenty of arrests.

If this kind of thing is your cup o'piss, then by all means jump over to http://www.craywhiteboys.com and buy yourself the DVD. Personally, I'll be waiting for the guys involved to get a little more focused, implement a little quality control, and create something that makes victims of the people who should be victims - not easy targets.

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