Reviewed By Chris Parry
Posted 05/26/04 18:28:18

"Big, dumb and stupid, but also fun to look at."
2 stars (Pretty Bad)

2 Fast 2 Furious got everything wrong. There wasn't a darn thing in that film that wasn't ridiculous and lame and way off the mark. Torque is similarly ridiculous, but there's something about it that indicates the makers had no intention of it being anything but, and decided to just go way over the top and enjoy the ride. I can dig that way of thinking..

So Bike Riding Dude is back from Asia where he went on the run after stealing some bikes with drugs in them from some Biker Nazis. Now dude is back, so the Biker Nazis want their drugs back, and the local Black Power Bikers are all up ins because he offended them, and the law is also on his case because he ditched town when wanted for the drugs thing. Thankfully, Dude has a couple of Dude buddies who also ride, and a Dudette, who hates him for ditching on her and leaving her to answer to the cops... but she only hates him for about ten minutes because, really, who wants to watch two people bitch each other out all through a movie? We'd much rather he be hittin' the 'tang, yo.

Then the Biker Nazis kill the brother of the head Black Power Biker and blame it on Bike Riding Dude, so fo course the law goes along with that and the Black Power guys are right there too, so everyone hates Biker Guy. Though, seriously... do you even care?

Torque has oodles of bike riding, some seriously CGI-heavy effects and camera moves, some way out of place music, girls in not much clothing, and dialogue that couldn't matter less if it were an elementary school play. It takes the occasional shot at the Fast and the Furious flick that preceded it, throws as much energy into every action scene as it can, and never once actually tries to seem like anything more than a comic book about motorcycles.

It'd be easy to slam the heck out of Torque and call it everything bad under the sun, but really it isn't the kind of film where you'd ever once expect anything more than heavy action and thin plot. And on that front, it delivers just fine.

Not that I'm giving the film a pass mark by any stretch of the imagination - there's no way I could lower myself to such levels - but if you were a kid who likes bikes a little too much and you wanted some cheap thrills in a movie theater, Torque will do it to it.

Why haven't I mentioned any names? Because only Ice Cube will have a name you'll recognize, and he's hardly the sort of name that'll leave you saying "Ooooh, Ice Cube! I gotta see that!" If you want to see Matrix on bikes, Torque is the stuff. Just as long as you don't want any of that... what do they call it? Acting or something?

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