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Overall Rating

Awesome: 6.12%
Worth A Look: 10.2%
Average: 13.27%
Pretty Bad: 32.65%
Total Crap37.76%

5 reviews, 68 user ratings

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Lost in Space
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by Scott Weinberg

"I dunno--It was better than The Fifth Element."
3 stars

I think this is just one of those movies that everyone wanted to hate. As it stands after all the hype, it's not all that bad. Yes, the "family" angle was way overdone, and that stupid little monkey was the genesis for Jar Jar, I swear. What it does offer is a sprawling and visually strong sci-fi adventure. And lay off Matt LeBlanc.

You know, it's tougher than it looks to play a moron. Matt LeBlanc is NOT Joey. (This theory is untrue when talking about Suzanne Somers, though. She IS Chrissy Snow.) He's one of the most likable things in Lost in Space. He's just a young TV actor who got to play space cowboy and he's not bad.

OK, Lost in Space is a mess. It is. There are sevaral components that could have been jettisoned prior to take-off. (See the space theme I'm working here??) I understand the plot in relation to the whole "Waltons in Outer Space" thing. It just could have been done a lot less syrupy. Just because you're shooting for a large audience doesn't mean you have to write for 9-year olds exclusively. For this, we look to the most likely offender. No, not Joel Shumacher, the other one. Akiva Goldsman, film destroyer strikes again. I know I'm belaboring a known fact, but this guy sucks balls. He should be writing Bazooka Joe comics (the GUM ones, not the newspaper ones) somewhere in a back room in Taipei. WHY does your movie have to contain lines like "I love you, robot. Remember me? I'm your friend." Just why? 6-year olds were wincing.

But I forgot that I actually kind of liked Lost in Space for a while there. There's enough in there to balance out the treacle. Not only for the special effects, but the action sequences are damn good. At least until they crash land on the planet of the "time-bubble". Like a whole space-time continuum discussion is what you need in a family space movie. Was I the only one completely thrown by the ending here? Dad teams up with old son from the future to save young family and CGI monkey, or something like that. (I say the ending was ripped off from the time paradox finale of The Ice Pirates. What do you think of that? A $120 million "blockbuster" ripping of a Golan-Globus sci-fi spoof that probably cost less than my computer! I love movies.)

Where was I? Oh yeah, I liked Lost in Space. It's got Gary Oldman, minus the hair flop from The Fifth Element, which is good. He plays the villain here with equal parts intelligence, deceit and just plain fagginess. (No offense at all, but I think he's TRYING to be typecast now as the "effeminate futuristic villain". Heather Graham is pretty and she's also in this movie, although she's pretty much ignored, except by Joey Tribiani. There's the little brother, who apparently makes Einstein look like Cookie Monster, because he can build gigantic robots overnight and rewire the whole space-ship to go back in time, just so he can stay up late to watch Willy Wonka. That leads to another small problem in Lost in Space: The 6-year old is an electronic and cyber-genius, and the smokin' hot and tight leather-wearing 18-year old is like some brilliant surgeon thing. I could buy the mostrous mechanical spiders and the massive time-bubbles, but Heather Graham with a college degree? Come on, even science fiction has its limits.

A special mention is reserved for Lacey Chabert. She's got this squeaky little voice that reminded me of oral surgery I had once. I'm sure she's a real nice person in real life and all, but as an actress, she's like getting sprayed in the eyes with Raid. She's shockingly weak in this movie, and her asides to the camera are just mind-numbingly sad. THIS is why we have editors, guys.

I kept getting sidetracked by the lame stuff, but I liked Lost in Space. That's not to say you will. Actaully, just to be safe, let's just go ahead and assume you won't. Save me the trouble of hearing about it later. Trust me, there are much worse "special effects epics" than this one. (I think the giant spider from Wild Wild West would have been much cooler here, and give those idiots some stupid-ass time bubble.)

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originally posted: 12/23/99 19:07:06
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User Comments

9/02/21 Laura Min Actually I liked it a lot after 20 yrs. Graphics held up well, Leblanc looks good, the 90s 5 stars
5/08/20 morris campbell fun but nothing special 3 stars
8/11/11 larsen It's Lost in "SPACE", not TIME! Indeed! Bubble-headed boobies! Oh, the pain. The pain. 1 stars
2/21/11 art only saving grace,was LACEY CHABERT'S CUTE performance as neglected middle child PENNY. 3 stars
1/08/10 George A real stinker. 1 stars
12/04/08 Shaun Wallner This movie was stupid! 1 stars
10/25/07 Billie Bob Enjoyable, Fun. The Critics will always find something to criticize 4 stars
7/05/07 Chariot57 Movie is complete crap talk about role reversal Rogers is a bitch and Hurt is a Whimp 1 stars
4/26/07 Abs Total rubbish waste of time... 1 stars
2/19/07 Nick Maday I think the only reason I like this is because I saw it when I was a kid. 4 stars
6/15/06 drydock54321 I hate it when they retell the origin when they make a big screen version of a series 3 stars
8/18/05 ES man has the ability to travel to other stars, yet they only travel through time?= Star Trek 2 stars
6/18/05 Thomas Semesky Makes the TV version seem like Shakespeare in comparison!! 2 stars
4/18/05 Jeff Anderson Okay, so it wasn't as good as the series, but so what. I enjoyed it, so lighten up people. 4 stars
3/27/05 Pierre Script is unimpressive, but Gary Oldman can redeem a lot. There is better and worse here 3 stars
12/16/04 BRET Well lets burn the master negative this was B.A.D. 1 stars
8/02/04 Raf Milis I like this movie..although the ending is crap and Hurt is playing like a turtle on crack.. 4 stars
5/25/04 Sageev Some stupid dialog, but very good sci-fi & true to the original 4 stars
5/09/04 DM I'll just sit at home and watch the TV show - it was SUPPOSED to be funny 1 stars
4/19/04 Elizabeth After all these years it's still one of my favourite movies. 5 stars
3/22/04 Roger C'mon guys! A little childish sometimes but all in all not that bad. 4 stars
9/26/03 Anthony I did walk out on this the first time around. On dvd the special features justify watching 4 stars
9/22/03 kill quacky this movie sucked ass it fucked the tv show up,sucks is taking it lightly. 1 stars
9/14/03 r Damned yellow alien. It's the devil of marketing, I tell you. 2 stars
8/04/03 punjab total pish-le blanc is an arsehole 1 stars
4/19/03 Ubu the Ripper If not for Oldman this movie would suck. Hurt seems like he's on prozac the entire film. 2 stars
12/02/02 Mike Awful AND boring. And that girl's voice! Kill me! 1 stars
11/23/02 Charles Tatum I unabashedly loved this thing! 5 stars
6/22/02 qtpie good 4 stars
4/03/02 Butterbean This is as bad as people say. Not even Oldman can help this one. 2 stars
1/06/02 Andrew Carden Rip-Offs The Original In A Bad Waste Of Uncreative Specialties. 1 stars
9/09/01 Neil Pickup This is possibly the Worst film I have ever seen. Can I give no stars? 1 stars
9/01/01 Connoisseur I'm giving it five stars because of the effects and neat story 5 stars
8/06/01 badfish Great special effects,If it wasnt for that lame Blarp,Id have given it 5 stars 4 stars
6/05/01 Roy Smith Oldman's cool, Chabert is sexy (yes!) but the movie blows dead bears. 2 stars
5/05/01 Gracy Lionheart Boring...The movie was annoying. (I normally like Sci-Fi, but this blew) 1 stars
2/03/01 viking Warning ! Warning ! Another Classic TV series is ruthlessly exploited !!!! 2 stars
1/22/01 Ro Worth it for mean and moody Gary Oldman. Otherwise, 100% Fuckshit. 1 stars
12/06/00 Cristopher Revilla David, are you an asshole, or don't know how to watch movies? 'cuz this movie's total shit 1 stars
11/29/00 The Evil Penguin wow, David Rogers. You ARE all of the above 1 stars
8/03/00 Lacie Wright The ending sucked dead bears, who can understand it? Yeesh! But, overall I loved this movie 4 stars
5/04/00 Hi there Gosh, David Rogers, tell us how you really feel. 1 stars
4/17/00 BB-15 David Rogers is either a liar, a fag, or a mental patient. Probably all of the above. 1 stars
4/04/00 Girl9 Worst couldn't even pay me to watch this piece of shite again... 1 stars
2/08/00 Richard Wright Based-on-TV films reach a new height of crapness. Complete shit in every way. 1 stars
1/04/00 Truth Man If this movie was a dog it would have been euthanised and put out of it's misery. 1 stars
12/23/99 bullit17 And you thought Sci-fi crap couldn't get any worse than Fifth Element 1 stars
12/04/99 PervertedPixie Well someone had to stick up for this film. Dr. Smith rules! Long live whaked-out sfi!! 5 stars
11/04/99 Mickey "Father Death" MacJohnstmyster Better than the t.v show , not great , watchable if you like the actors etc , otherwise NOT 3 stars
10/05/99 strike One of the most dumb excuses i have ever seen 1 stars
8/20/99 Japtalian They should have named this "How to fuck up a classic T.V. show without really trying." 1 stars
8/18/99 Matthew Bartley Shit and boring 2 stars
6/25/99 Ah Dooey What the hell were you expecting, Star Trek?! Leave the classics alone! 2 stars
6/15/99 Dylan This is the biggest pile of junk ive ever laid my eyes upon. Even Oldman is unconvincing. 1 stars
3/14/99 Viral Messiah No! 2 stars
2/16/99 Uncle Roy This job cost me my job at Long John Silvers 1 stars
2/09/99 Gary Should have stopped watching half way through & pretended better would show next week. 2 stars
2/07/99 Don Wilson No comment 1 stars
1/05/99 anon my eyes kept rolling up in my head with this recockulous plot 3 stars
1/03/99 Dasha OK, it was crap, but it kept me entertained, so... 3 stars
11/24/98 Ray Russ Perfect example of why child acting should be outlawed. The "1" on my 1-10 scale. 1 stars
10/28/98 Silent Rob Gee, and the series was so, so...I dunno...crappy? 2 stars
9/29/98 katherine oh my snored through the whole thing 2 stars
9/28/98 Heather Didn't think I'd like this one. I was wrong! 5 stars
9/15/98 Negative Creep OLDMAN as a HUGE FUcking BUG. This was just some fucked up repugnant shit. 1 stars
8/24/98 The Capital City Goofball Shit. What was Oldman thinking? He's usually above this crap. 1 stars
8/23/98 Mister Whoopee matt leBlanc is almost as irritating as Lacey Chabert. 1 stars
8/14/98 {{{OZ}}} It helped me sleep on a long plane flight, but I saw the ending. Eww. 2 stars
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  03-Apr-1998 (PG-13)
  DVD: 07-May-2002



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