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Overall Rating

Awesome: 10.53%
Worth A Look: 2.63%
Average: 18.42%
Pretty Bad: 26.32%
Total Crap42.11%

3 reviews, 20 user ratings

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Whole Ten Yards, The
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by EricDSnider

"Don't quit your day job, Matthew Perry -- oh, crap...!"
2 stars

I saw "The Whole Nine Yards" and paid enough attention to it to write a review, yet I remember nothing about it. Even reading the review doesn't jog my memory. But here's this sequel, cleverly called "The Whole Ten Yards," and if the B- grade I gave its predecessor is to be believed, then the quality has dropped off considerably between the two films.

The sequel, directed by Howard Deutch (who has fallen a long way since directing "Pretty in Pink"), assumes we remember the events of the first film, so I'm not going to help it out by giving a recap. Nick "Oz" Oseranksy (Matthew Perry) is a dentist in Brentwood, Calif., married to Cynthia (Natasha Henstridge), who is the ex-wife of hitman Jimmy "The Tulip" Tudeski (Bruce Willis). Everyone believes Jimmy is dead, but in fact, he is living in Mexico with his wife Jill (Amanda Peet), who used to be Oz's receptionist. (The four all had dealings with each other in the first film, of course.)

Oz lives in constant fear that the various hitmen and mobsters he encountered four years ago will come back for him, and his home is a fortress of security cameras, alarm systems and motion sensors. Cynthia thinks he's being silly. Then she gets kidnapped by Hungarian mobsters. Who's being silly now, Cynthia?

The Hungarians are the Gogolak family, led by aging patriarch Lazlo. He is played by Kevin Pollak, who in the first film played Lazlo's son Yanni, whom Jimmy the Tulip killed. It is that very death that Lazlo and his crew now seek to avenge. They believe Oz was responsible, and so now Oz must find Jimmy and persuade him to help convince Lazlo otherwise.

I noted in my review of the first film that Matthew Perry does good physical slapstick. Either my tastes have changed or else Perry has, for in "The Whole Ten Yards" I find him wholly unfunny. He resembles nothing so much as a jittery sitcom character plopped into a big-screen story, out of place and desperate. He runs into things and falls down a lot. I have a theory that the more times people fall down in a non-animated film, the less funny that film actually is. For a writer, falling down is what you have your character do when you feel like you need a laugh but you can't think of anything better.

The same goes for slapping people, which Lazlo does approximately one thousand times. Kevin Pollak, who can do comedy when he wants to, is admirably committed to the character of Lazlo; unfortunately, Lazlo is a worthless caricature whose shtick is dependent on his comical mispronunciations of English words. This gets old, believe me.

I laughed a bit at a scene where Jimmy and Oz are drunk in a bar. It has the kind of jollity and pleasantness that the first film had, the kind of sunshiny attitude that lightens a movie. Then that scene ends and we're back to the forced, stupid shenanigans, where Oz and Jimmy wake up in bed together, having drunk themselves unconscious. Naturally, while they are still half-asleep, they cuddle and coo, Oz thinking Jimmy is Cynthia and Jimmy thinking Oz is Jill. You will recognize this comic device from the 75,000,000,000,000,000 other films and television shows in which it has already been used.

I should also mention that Lazlo's aged mother farts a lot. It makes me sad to realize that this, too, is a comic device I have seen in 75,000,000,000,000,000 other films and television shows.

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originally posted: 04/09/04 15:29:29
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User Comments

12/29/09 Dane Youssef Even worse than I thought it me. The first did not need a second. What a waste of this cast 1 stars
5/14/07 David Pollastrini pretty dull 2 stars
10/16/06 Charles Tatum Consistently irritating, I missed Peet's boobs 1 stars
9/12/06 William Goss Makes concentration camps look good. 1 stars
2/12/06 Indrid Cold Very unfunny and uninteresting. Perry et al are pros though, and it's not total disaster. 2 stars
6/05/05 Ubu the Ripper Worthless scheiss. 'Nuff said. 1 stars
3/10/05 Fake Name Here Sad, skip, watch only if trapped on couch w/ the flu 2 stars
1/19/05 Jeff Anderson A lousy, totally unfunny, and witless mess of a sequel. PEET AND PERRY DESERVE MUCH BETTER! 1 stars
7/09/04 David C Nine yards were nice, this is ten yards of crap. Wasted 90 odd mintues of my life.. Crap 1 stars
6/11/04 Samantha Skmorgon Amanda Peet has her usual struggle to know which end her shit comes out of. 3 stars
6/11/04 Evangelica Schnapfenschalz Chasmotic with confusing ending. A few laughs. Amanda Peet her usual hit&miss. 4 stars
5/20/04 Pink very funny 5 stars
4/16/04 inuyasia funny as hell 5 stars
4/14/04 John Aster Habig nice til the end why did Amanda Peet stay with that idiot Bruce Willis 2 stars
4/12/04 Pink great movie. Very funny 5 stars
4/10/04 jonathan awesome 5 stars
4/09/04 Hilarium Insanely awful. Product placement filled slop. Willish should be ashamed. 1 stars
4/09/04 lawhog44 you're right about the movie, wrong about the dollar...look again 1 stars
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  09-Apr-2004 (PG-13)
  DVD: 27-Jul-2004



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