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See, America loves trends, catch-phrases, fads, and whatever else is the "buzz" of the day. Back in 1990, the Lambada dance was one such trend. It was a sultry and grindy little craze, and one that reached its popularity because, well, it was basically like having clothed sex on a dance floor.

So popular was this silly dance that it inspired not one but two movies! And, shock of all shocks, both are as irrevocably atrocious as they are unintentionally hilarious. The schlock merchants of Cannon delivered the cleverly-titled Lambada on March 16th, 1990...the very same day as The Forbidden Dance! Now, a sane person would wonder why we'd need TWO separate Lambada movies; but two on the same day? Too hilarious for words.

Just for the sake of pure lunatic trivia: Lambada ended up grossing about 4 million bucks, while The Forbidden Dance couldn't crack 2 million. There must have been a lot of confusion at the nation's box offices that weekend.

Laura Harring (one-time Miss USA and current Hollywood actress who wishes this movie would vanish from the face of the Earth) plays a rain forest princess called Nisa. Bulldozers show up in her neck of the jungle, prompting the princess (and her goofball witch doctor sidekick Joa) to make a trek to New York City in an effort to...well, I'm not sure exactly.

Nisa makes one stop at the offices of the evil bulldozer people, but they ignore her out of hand. Joa gets arrested for throwing voodoo fireballs around the room. Nisa then gets a job as a maid, meets a spoiled rich boy who likes to dance (badly), ends up as a stripper girl in a sleazy club...

Meanwhile the bulldozers are probably still sitting back in the rain forest, just waiting for some word from the boss.

As one would logically expect from a movie inspired entirely by a dance, the flick is almost painfully inept. The acting borders on the farcical, the dance sequences are lethargic and silly, the ecological messages are delivered with the subtlety of an exploding water cooler.

Fans of bad cinema will be pleased to note that both Sid Haig and Richard Lynch are among the cast of The Forbidden Dance - thereby confirming the flick's pedigree by their combined presence alone.

Should you find The Forbidden Dance in your cable guide, you should immediately acquire a case of beer and three friends.

This movie's the sort of bad that's simply too enjoyable to ignore, plus it's a testament to the depths of stupidity plumbed by gimmick-hungry B-moviemakers.

link directly to this review at https://www.efilmcritic.com/review.php?movie=9526&reviewer=128
originally posted: 04/30/04 20:20:48
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