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Overall Rating

Awesome: 7.69%
Worth A Look: 0%
Average: 15.38%
Pretty Bad: 23.08%
Total Crap53.85%

1 review, 7 user ratings

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Hiding Out
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by Scott Weinberg

"Awful actor, awful performance, awful movie. It just never ends."
1 stars

How does one contemplate the fame and fortune of a Jon Cryer? What is an aspiring actor to think when they must don a Chuck E. Cheese costume to pay the rent, yet Jon Cryer graces 1/3rd of every movie ever seen on cable?

Starting out with the eminently forgettable No Small Affair in 1984, Cryer has popped up up from time to time to offer some of the most irritating movie characters ever caught on film. Sure, he was somewhat endearing in Pretty in Pink, but I’d attribute that performance to John Hughes sitting just off-camera with a whip and some Ritalin. If you're at all familiar with Cryer's work in such awesome turkeys as Morgan Stewart's Coming Home and Superman 4: The Quest for Peace then the following news should come as no surprise.

Jon Cryer creates quite possibly the most obnoxious character ever conceived in Hiding Out. A movie would have to really be something special to overcome the sheer overpowering awfulness of Cryer’s performance, but Hiding Out is about a lifeless and generic as any comedy you’ve ever seen.

The year was 1987, and the "teen-sex-comedy" was grappling with obsolescence. In an effort to wring a few more pennies from the woefully tiresome sub-genre, a few filmmakers chose to jam a mafia crime thriller into one of the most bland high-school productions ever conceived. In order to firmly entrench their film in the wretched category instead of merely the forgettable, these guys grabbed the one remaining Brat Packers who was still willing to star in a high school flick: the charmless Jon Cryer.

Cryer plays a bearded stockbroker named Andrew Morenski. (He has this ridiculous beard only so he’ll look younger later on. It doesn’t even almost work.) Moneski and a few co-workers have been laundering money for a local crime boss, things go kerflooey, one guy gets shot, Andrew hits the road. He ends up hiding out in his teenage cousin's attic bedroom and (for no good reason) adopts a surname in order to register at the local high school. See, it’s funny because it's an adult in high school...

Problem is, Hiding Out never once approaches funny. Were it not for the parade of cliches and stereotypes stolen from various high-school comedies, I’d have assumed that this movie was a straight drama. Lack of originality is one thing; lethargic and astronomically boring is another. The main problem with this movie (amongst the dozens) is simply this: You will hate Cryer’s character in this movie! Call it clueless screenwriting; call it a one-trick-pony actor way out of his talent range. I call it both.

Faring almost as poorly is the shriek-voiced young muppet generally known as Keith Coogan. If you remember this guy as the genial goofball from Adventures in Babysitting, do yourself a favor: avoid this movie like the plague and go on remembering Coogan with some fondness. I hate to sound aggressive, but I’ve never wanted to haul back and slap an onscreen duo the way I did when Cryer and Coogan share the screen in a series of perpetually amplifiyng whine-fests. (And, NO, I was not in a bad mood when I watched this movie! Only after!)

Hiding Out trots out a few pointless subplots - Andrew as "Max" dates a fawning teen (ew), Andrew as "Max" reluctantly runs for class president (yawn), Andrew as "Max" helps his nerdly cousin grow some confidence (pffft) - before the crime boss subplot plops onto the screen for the final eight minutes. (It's not every day you get to see a "comedy" in which a gymnasium full of screaming teenagers are threatened by a gun-toting sniper.) But why focus on the last ten minutes when the entire freakin' movie is the pinnacle of lazy-minded filmmaking and by-the-numbers teen-flick machinations?

I remember seeing Hiding Out way back when it was first released theatrically, yet I couldn’t recall a single thing about the movie as I popped it into my DVD player. Never before have I so fully believed in the mantra of "Ignorance is Bliss".

This entire movie is patched together from other movies that weren't all that great to begin with, capped off by a lead performance so outlandishly bad that you'll watch it with a "train wreck" expression on your face.

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originally posted: 05/01/04 22:20:09
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User Comments

5/08/12 Susan I fell headoverheels for Jon Cryer 20+years ago, and I just love everything he does :-) 5 stars
5/05/07 Mike Malone Jon Cryer is beyond horrible and so is the movie. 1 stars
5/25/06 Jeff Anderson Not believable for one second & barely funny, though Cryer is appealing. 2 stars
12/18/04 Dawb Ok movie 3 stars
10/09/04 Athena My sisters and i watched this without seeing the start, and had a riot making fun of it! 2 stars
5/04/04 y2mckay If I shave my fake beard and put on some hipper clothes, can I go pick up on HS chicks too? 2 stars
5/02/04 Jack Sommersby Surprisingly appealing despite its slightness. 3 stars
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  06-Nov-1987 (PG-13)



Directed by
  Bob Giraldi

Written by
  Joe Menosky
  Jeff Rothberg

  Jon Cryer
  Keith Coogan
  Annabeth Gish
  Oliver Cotton
  Claude Brooks
  Tim Quill

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