"Don't you dare be surprised if The Olsen Twins end up being robots."
I’m told I get to review a lot of the Mary Kate & Ashley flicks because I do it so entertainingly. Well, the girls are getting older now and so am I. Life’s simply too short to spend watching chaff like this.Sure, I’m hardly the target audience for the sort of mindless pablum the twins have been churning out for the last ten years, but I sure know tiresome assembly-line video product when I see it. I mean, these gals have done about two dozen different videos. Would it be that difficult for them to surround themselves with a few bona-fide filmmakers? Just once?
The twins’ latest adventure sees them visit Rome. Must be a tough gig. Anyway, the paper-thin premise here is that the identical blondes and a few other painfully photogenic non-actors are 16-year-old summer interns. Their jobs entail making bicycle deliveries, transporting valuable music CDs, fashion design silliness and brewing coffee. There’s a catty little gal among the crew who’s out to sabotage the twins, a “grown-ups” love affair for the inevitably bored parents to ‘enjoy’ and of course a lot of wide-eyed staring at all the dreamy “Italian Boys”.
I have a 14-year-old neice. I’m assuming she’s the ultimate target audience for the Olsen’s romps. So being the sweet uncle that I am, I offered When in Rome to my neice as a Saturday afternoon movie. She immediately grabbed the disc and giggled “Ooooh the OLSENS!!!” in a Down's Syndrome voice before walking away while laughing at me. I later found the disc behind the refrigerator. Now, this is the Olsen’s key demographic we’re talking about, so this leads me to wonder: HOW are the Olsen gals so amazingly wealthy? WHO is buying these DVDs? My only guess would be: parents who are trying to raise amazingly superficial and spoiled daughters.
I can forgive a lot of low-rent banality when I have to, but I’ve never seen one iota of creativity or storytelling talent spring from the Olsen camp. Each of their videos is presented with a palpable air of formula laziness and stunning vapidity.One day these girls will grow up and be forced to WORK for their audience. Or maybe not; they’re like billionaires dontcha know.