Wedding Singer, The

Reviewed By Chris Parry
Posted 08/15/98 08:12:44

"Typical Hollywood spoon-fed Barrymore capitalising SHITE!"
1 stars (Total Crap)

Jesum H. Fuck, what the hell is America thinking?

Studio Exec: "Okay, so we need an idea for a Drew Barrymore vehicle."
Studio Pleb: "Ummm.. Boogie Nights just did the 70's and they made bg box office with Marky Mark. Maybe we should do 80's?"
SE: "Yes! Give yourself a Porsche. Okay, so what's the story?"
SP: "Umm.. how about.. boy meets girl, but girl is going to marry a jerk..?"
SE: "YES! I love it! Never been done before. You're a producer. Who else should be in it?"
SP: "Umm.. Someone from Saturday Night Live? That's a funny show, I hear."
SE: "Yeah, I heard that too. But who?"
SP: "Chris Farley?"
SE: "YEAH! Beverly Hills Ninja guy, yeah! Oh wait. He's fat."
SP: "Umm.. Adam Sandler?"
SE: "Don't know him, will he cost much?"
SP: "He'll work for bread"
SE: "Do it!"
SP: "What about script?"
SE: "Who do we have on contract doing nothing?"
SP: "Carrie Fisher?"
SE: "Princess Leia? Sure, whatever. Tell her she's got a week til we shoot."

And so it went, at least that's how I envision it. Why? Because this movie is a steaming pile of crap. Yes, steaming.

Okay, let's get this out in the open. Drew Barrymore. Sexy, right? WRONG! Okay, Adam Sandler, love interest, romantic, right? WRONG! Okay, 80's theme. Follows a timeline, right? WRONG! Every fashion or cliche of the 80's happens at once! Michael Jackson wears his glove when Boy George hits as Choose Life t-shirts boom and flock-of-seagulls haircuts take charge.

It's all lies! All frill! No substance! No funnys!

Okay, okay, I lie. There's a three minute period where Sandler plays Mr Evil Wedding Singer. This is *good* bit. But then he goes back to goofy, nice, stupid wedding singer and it's all gone to SHITE!

I'm going into convulsions! Please take away the memory! Please take away the memory!!!!!

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